WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.548 - [Sam] Get ready for a "Game Changer." (upbeat music) 00:00:03.548 --> 00:00:05.370 Tonight's guests: (audience applauds and cheers) 00:00:05.370 --> 00:00:08.580 A man who in his time plays many parts, 00:00:08.580 --> 00:00:10.505 it's Joey Bland! 00:00:10.505 --> 00:00:12.210 (audience applauds) 00:00:12.210 --> 00:00:16.038 A rose by any other name would not be Ross Bryant! 00:00:16.038 --> 00:00:18.750 (audience applauds) 00:00:18.750 --> 00:00:20.370 Born great, achieving greatness, 00:00:20.370 --> 00:00:21.840 and having greatness thrust upon him, 00:00:21.840 --> 00:00:23.796 it's Blaine Swen! 00:00:23.796 --> 00:00:26.220 (audience applauds) 00:00:26.220 --> 00:00:28.290 - [Ross] Whoa. (laughs) 00:00:28.290 --> 00:00:30.570 - And your host, me. 00:00:30.570 --> 00:00:34.110 I've been here the whole time. 00:00:34.110 --> 00:00:36.450 This is "Game Changer", 00:00:36.450 --> 00:00:39.240 the only game show where the game changes every show. 00:00:39.240 --> 00:00:41.790 I am your host, Sam Reich. 00:00:41.790 --> 00:00:46.230 I am joined today by these three lovely contestants. 00:00:46.230 --> 00:00:48.720 Now you all understand how the game works. 00:00:48.720 --> 00:00:49.590 - [Ross and Blaine] No. - Not exactly. 00:00:49.590 --> 00:00:50.423 - That's right. 00:00:50.423 --> 00:00:52.590 Our contestants have no idea what game it is 00:00:52.590 --> 00:00:53.550 they're about to play. 00:00:53.550 --> 00:00:55.590 Although they might be tipped off by the fact that 00:00:55.590 --> 00:00:58.950 they are the Improvised Shakespeare Company. 00:00:58.950 --> 00:01:02.280 The only way to learn is by playing, 00:01:02.280 --> 00:01:03.480 the only way to win is by learning, 00:01:03.480 --> 00:01:05.550 and the only way to begin is by beginning. 00:01:05.550 --> 00:01:07.199 So without further ado, 00:01:07.199 --> 00:01:08.891 let's begin. (dramatic orchestral music) 00:01:08.891 --> 00:01:12.000 Is how I start off every show. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.820 My suit adorned, 00:01:14.820 --> 00:01:17.010 my microphone in tow. 00:01:17.010 --> 00:01:20.610 I channel spirits of the ancient hosts, 00:01:20.610 --> 00:01:23.370 Bob Barker, Regis Philbin, 00:01:23.370 --> 00:01:25.811 now but ghosts. 00:01:25.811 --> 00:01:26.970 (dramatic orchestral music continues) 00:01:26.970 --> 00:01:29.640 But let us travel further back in time 00:01:29.640 --> 00:01:33.030 when theater was as yet in its prime, 00:01:33.030 --> 00:01:36.780 the old Globe was the only channel on 00:01:36.780 --> 00:01:41.733 and prologues such as this, Shakespeare's theme song. 00:01:42.630 --> 00:01:47.550 This play's about a game show, one of yore. 00:01:47.550 --> 00:01:50.550 This play's within my game show. Want some more? 00:01:50.550 --> 00:01:54.120 Our players must create this game show play 00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:56.910 while playing this, my game show. 00:01:56.910 --> 00:01:58.285 Woe is they! 00:01:58.285 --> 00:01:59.370 (contestants laugh) 00:01:59.370 --> 00:02:02.190 Scene one: a lover, lonely as of yet, 00:02:02.190 --> 00:02:04.530 for other lover have they not yet met. 00:02:04.530 --> 00:02:07.830 You are a peasant, huddled in the pit, 00:02:07.830 --> 00:02:10.680 shoulder to shoulder with your fellow shit. 00:02:10.680 --> 00:02:15.180 The curtains rise, the actors take the stage. 00:02:15.180 --> 00:02:16.804 We humbly present, 00:02:16.804 --> 00:02:17.637 (bell dings) 00:02:17.637 --> 00:02:19.495 "A Game Most Changed." 00:02:19.495 --> 00:02:20.495 (dramatic boom) 00:02:21.660 --> 00:02:25.083 - Nay, place not comforting balms upon me, 00:02:25.083 --> 00:02:27.630 'tis a thing useless. 00:02:27.630 --> 00:02:30.630 And I see an depressed chill now o'er allows my spirit 00:02:30.630 --> 00:02:33.090 and I cannot be plucked up again. 00:02:33.090 --> 00:02:36.930 - I hath prescription for this thy malady. 00:02:36.930 --> 00:02:39.360 Right tell me, Antonio, I know thy sickness. 00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:41.730 'Tis love. Nay, not love, but the absence of it. 00:02:41.730 --> 00:02:43.650 For love, a different sickness is 00:02:43.650 --> 00:02:46.170 and different prescriptions to be prescribed. 00:02:46.170 --> 00:02:48.450 - Strange sickness when having it not! 00:02:48.450 --> 00:02:50.190 It doth make thee ill. 00:02:50.190 --> 00:02:53.670 'Tis that which I would catch and thus be made well again 00:02:53.670 --> 00:02:56.640 and yet I have it not and being thus cured, 00:02:56.640 --> 00:02:57.870 am still in pain. 00:02:57.870 --> 00:03:00.902 - And yet Antonio, as a man most married, 00:03:00.902 --> 00:03:02.241 I do know the ways of love. 00:03:02.241 --> 00:03:03.074 - Oh! 00:03:03.074 --> 00:03:06.060 - And now here shall present thee some path to it. 00:03:06.060 --> 00:03:09.720 For if I can say without orating 00:03:09.720 --> 00:03:13.051 that I myself a master of the game of dating. 00:03:13.051 --> 00:03:13.884 (delighted laughing) 00:03:13.884 --> 00:03:17.670 - Nay, I seek not wisdom in thy dating history. 00:03:17.670 --> 00:03:21.180 I wish not to know thy game of dating or it's mystery. 00:03:21.180 --> 00:03:22.013 (Sam and crew laughing) 00:03:22.013 --> 00:03:26.160 Come, I myself, my own path now must plod 00:03:26.160 --> 00:03:28.230 and cannot follow where others thus have trod. 00:03:28.230 --> 00:03:31.470 I thank thee, Benvolio, for this advice 00:03:31.470 --> 00:03:34.500 and yet, aye, my soul is crushed, 00:03:34.500 --> 00:03:36.240 even is in a vice, 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:40.140 that I had seen her and lost again so soon. 00:03:40.140 --> 00:03:43.900 I, who am at the very bottom of this wheel of fortune. 00:03:43.900 --> 00:03:44.820 (barely kept back guffaws) 00:03:44.820 --> 00:03:47.250 - Pardon, good sirs! I beseech you. 00:03:47.250 --> 00:03:48.450 Can you read? 00:03:48.450 --> 00:03:49.283 - Aye. 00:03:49.283 --> 00:03:50.190 - Aye. I am literate. 00:03:50.190 --> 00:03:51.810 - Here, let us buy a vowel from thee. 00:03:51.810 --> 00:03:54.240 - I bid thee if thou art such a man of letters 00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:56.280 and now canst do me a good service 00:03:56.280 --> 00:03:58.920 by herein reading these invitations 00:03:58.920 --> 00:04:01.350 and telling me to whom they must be delivered. 00:04:01.350 --> 00:04:03.060 For my master, the Duke Orsino, 00:04:03.060 --> 00:04:04.710 has charged me to deliver these. 00:04:04.710 --> 00:04:08.310 Thus to a great festivity that he shall hold at his home. 00:04:08.310 --> 00:04:10.560 - He has charged thee yet not proferred thee 00:04:10.560 --> 00:04:13.170 with intelligence to read the addresses? 00:04:13.170 --> 00:04:16.020 This is a breakdown in management most dire. 00:04:16.020 --> 00:04:17.100 - So it would seem. 00:04:17.100 --> 00:04:18.120 - I shall hold off on reading 00:04:18.120 --> 00:04:21.082 the salutation of these such invitations 00:04:21.082 --> 00:04:23.558 as mentioned by this dumb boy 00:04:23.558 --> 00:04:24.391 (impish chuckle) 00:04:24.391 --> 00:04:26.700 and instead shall only read the meat of the matter, 00:04:26.700 --> 00:04:28.230 which is to say that Duke Orsino 00:04:28.230 --> 00:04:30.450 holds a fête this afternoon. 00:04:30.450 --> 00:04:32.430 Into early evening, it shall go. 00:04:32.430 --> 00:04:33.900 Definitely a daytime show. 00:04:33.900 --> 00:04:38.900 He speaks of a night of favor and a night of love. 00:04:39.180 --> 00:04:42.840 And mayhap this invitation fallen into our hands of late 00:04:42.840 --> 00:04:44.670 shall be thus an opportunity for you 00:04:44.670 --> 00:04:47.490 to procure yourself of what illness thou hast 00:04:47.490 --> 00:04:50.010 and to assume the illness thou most wants. 00:04:50.010 --> 00:04:52.050 This is thy infection. 00:04:52.050 --> 00:04:54.978 - And yet is the invitation, is it to you? 00:04:54.978 --> 00:04:55.980 (wheezing chuckle) 00:04:55.980 --> 00:04:57.150 - So it is. 00:04:57.150 --> 00:04:59.520 - Then what great fortune is smiled upon me 00:04:59.520 --> 00:05:02.040 for I have delivered this unto the right person. 00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:05.070 He did send me blindly into any direction 00:05:05.070 --> 00:05:08.730 and bid all to come find some love connection. 00:05:08.730 --> 00:05:11.100 - Well met, idiot boy! 00:05:11.100 --> 00:05:14.580 - I think not that I shall find I a lover there 00:05:14.580 --> 00:05:17.580 with some zeal, but I shall follow Benvolio. 00:05:17.580 --> 00:05:18.570 Let us make a deal. 00:05:18.570 --> 00:05:21.150 - Then a deal is made. 00:05:21.150 --> 00:05:23.040 A deal made of most. 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:25.680 Thou shall play the game tonight and I shall play thy host. 00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:28.505 - I can't believe you're the one the letter was for. 00:05:28.505 --> 00:05:30.300 (Sam cackling) - It's really amazing, isn't it? 00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:31.133 - Yes, what a coincidence. 00:05:31.133 --> 00:05:34.920 - There's my name right there, Benvolio and Antonio. 00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:37.980 - Tonight I shall sleep soundly in my jammies 00:05:37.980 --> 00:05:41.498 for my master shall present upon my head no whammies. 00:05:41.498 --> 00:05:42.746 (boisterous laughter) - [Ross] Oh yeah. 00:05:42.746 --> 00:05:45.090 - Yes, yes and yes! 00:05:45.090 --> 00:05:47.886 My players, whatever you're doing, more of that. 00:05:47.886 --> 00:05:48.719 (Ross and Blaine laughing) 00:05:48.719 --> 00:05:52.350 The stage has thus been set with lover one. 00:05:52.350 --> 00:05:56.178 Soon lover two's debut shall hath begun. 00:05:56.178 --> 00:05:57.011 (low dramatic music) 00:05:57.011 --> 00:05:59.550 But if it's points our players want, 00:05:59.550 --> 00:06:02.595 material they must mix in the names 00:06:02.595 --> 00:06:03.428 (bell dings) 00:06:03.428 --> 00:06:06.240 of "Breakfast Cereals." 00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:07.073 - [Joey] Hmm! 00:06:07.073 --> 00:06:08.040 (dramatic sigh) 00:06:08.040 --> 00:06:09.330 - Aye, me. 00:06:09.330 --> 00:06:12.810 - Lady Portia, wherefore such tristful sighs 00:06:12.810 --> 00:06:15.990 escape forth from out thy beauteous lips? 00:06:15.990 --> 00:06:18.000 - Would it were summer, 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:23.000 and yet now does enter on this day, the coldest of winter. 00:06:23.190 --> 00:06:26.970 And so it seems to me the weather makes many mistakes 00:06:26.970 --> 00:06:30.570 to shower upon us these snowy dear Frosted Flakes. 00:06:30.570 --> 00:06:31.797 - That is a point for Blaine. 00:06:31.797 --> 00:06:32.630 (bell dings) 00:06:32.630 --> 00:06:35.588 - But come, if there are Frosted Flakes about, 00:06:35.588 --> 00:06:38.850 let a sunny disposition reign within thy heart 00:06:38.850 --> 00:06:42.930 to banish off the cold that would beset thy spirit. 00:06:42.930 --> 00:06:45.990 Dost not thy father throw a fête this very day? 00:06:45.990 --> 00:06:48.120 A mid-afternoon party, 00:06:48.120 --> 00:06:51.210 not quite a brunch or a late night jam 00:06:51.210 --> 00:06:52.740 that thou shallst enjoy? 00:06:52.740 --> 00:06:56.490 - How I would enjoy a lover's lunch. 00:06:56.490 --> 00:07:00.000 Oh, how I would have a Captain me to Crunch. 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:01.507 - That's a point for Blaine. (laughs) 00:07:01.507 --> 00:07:02.340 (bell dings) 00:07:02.340 --> 00:07:03.981 - But I tell thee, my heart. - To crunch? 00:07:03.981 --> 00:07:05.672 - Do seek not young Portia 00:07:05.672 --> 00:07:07.560 for so rough a thing as crunching. 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:08.670 - Ooh, I wanna be crunched. 00:07:08.670 --> 00:07:11.250 - Nay, in this crunching thy heart should find defeat. 00:07:11.250 --> 00:07:13.170 Rather be gentler with thy spirit 00:07:13.170 --> 00:07:15.450 and seek a smoother Cream of Wheat. 00:07:15.450 --> 00:07:16.883 - That's a point for Ross. (bell dings) 00:07:16.883 --> 00:07:17.949 - Daughter, my. 00:07:17.949 --> 00:07:18.782 - Most noble Duke. 00:07:18.782 --> 00:07:20.490 - Yes Nurse, well met. 00:07:20.490 --> 00:07:22.800 Daughter I dully this fête, this eve, 00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:26.370 is not simply just for thee to enjoy dancing, 00:07:26.370 --> 00:07:30.164 but indeed tonight you shall find a mate. 00:07:30.164 --> 00:07:30.997 (gasps dramatically) 00:07:30.997 --> 00:07:34.740 Yay, and a Count I have brought to make you his wife 00:07:34.740 --> 00:07:39.690 and you shall live with him forever for your entire Life. 00:07:39.690 --> 00:07:40.523 - [Blaine] A Count? (bell dings) 00:07:40.523 --> 00:07:42.900 - Can it be that the famed Count Chocula 00:07:42.900 --> 00:07:44.203 comes this very eve? (bell dings) 00:07:44.203 --> 00:07:45.660 - [Joey] He is here this eve. 00:07:45.660 --> 00:07:47.760 The man a reputation has as a monster, 00:07:47.760 --> 00:07:48.810 but trust me, 00:07:48.810 --> 00:07:53.190 the county of Chocula is a rich and boonful place. 00:07:53.190 --> 00:07:55.830 Glance not upon the man. He is not well to look at. 00:07:55.830 --> 00:07:57.960 To hear him is not well either. 00:07:57.960 --> 00:08:00.870 See the man by his fortune, judge him by his clothes. 00:08:00.870 --> 00:08:02.250 See him not, hear him not. 00:08:02.250 --> 00:08:03.988 Instead follow your nose. 00:08:03.988 --> 00:08:05.220 (chuckling) 00:08:05.220 --> 00:08:09.300 - It is well known Count Chocula is of an ill temper, 00:08:09.300 --> 00:08:13.650 an ill demeanor, and altogether cruel and foul. 00:08:13.650 --> 00:08:17.700 An all good part and merriment he lacks. 00:08:17.700 --> 00:08:21.332 He shall not shower upon my face gentle Honey Smacks. 00:08:21.332 --> 00:08:22.165 (bell dings) 00:08:22.165 --> 00:08:23.230 - Daughter, he shall! (gasps dramatically) 00:08:23.230 --> 00:08:25.201 - Aye, lady, listen to thy Pops. 00:08:25.201 --> 00:08:26.034 (bell dings) 00:08:26.034 --> 00:08:28.102 - We play not games nor Trix. 00:08:28.102 --> 00:08:29.768 (bell dings) Do what I did, 00:08:29.768 --> 00:08:32.070 for I tell thee tricks are for kids. 00:08:32.070 --> 00:08:35.520 No longer a kid thou art, a woman thou shalt be. 00:08:35.520 --> 00:08:38.942 And so now you must become more chocolatey. 00:08:38.942 --> 00:08:40.380 (Sam snickers into a guffaw) 00:08:40.380 --> 00:08:43.380 - You must listen to thy father, lady. 00:08:43.380 --> 00:08:47.520 Here in our realm his power is Total. 00:08:47.520 --> 00:08:49.587 - That's a point for Ross! (bell dings) 00:08:49.587 --> 00:08:51.720 - I shall do what thou dost wish. 00:08:51.720 --> 00:08:54.540 Behave in thy special way. 00:08:54.540 --> 00:08:59.051 I shall give him gentle kiss, a special, Special K. 00:08:59.051 --> 00:09:00.510 (Sam cackles) (bell dings) 00:09:00.510 --> 00:09:04.500 But I tell thee, father, though me thou dost stand above, 00:09:04.500 --> 00:09:08.733 I cannot promise that to this Count I shall give my love. 00:09:08.733 --> 00:09:10.410 - 'Tis not necessary. 00:09:10.410 --> 00:09:13.200 Nay, but instead thy obedience is most assured. 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:15.750 Now Nurse, I proffered to you earlier 00:09:15.750 --> 00:09:19.320 a bangle of special memories to give to my daughter. 00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:23.460 There's a moon and a star, a rainbow, a balloon. 00:09:23.460 --> 00:09:26.006 Sometimes special edition ones come along. 00:09:26.006 --> 00:09:26.839 (chuckling) 00:09:26.839 --> 00:09:28.200 - Aye, this family ornament 00:09:28.200 --> 00:09:30.180 that thou shouldst never come to harm. 00:09:30.180 --> 00:09:32.580 - Here now I wear around my neck these- 00:09:32.580 --> 00:09:33.806 - [All] Lucky Charms. 00:09:33.806 --> 00:09:34.860 (guffaws) 00:09:34.860 --> 00:09:36.540 - I mean, I guess I have no choice 00:09:36.540 --> 00:09:37.946 but to say a point for all three. 00:09:37.946 --> 00:09:38.779 (bell dings) 00:09:38.779 --> 00:09:42.873 - Come, there is some joy to be found in love. 00:09:42.873 --> 00:09:43.706 - Come, there is some joy to be found in love. 00:09:43.706 --> 00:09:45.300 Like when thou goes unto, 00:09:45.300 --> 00:09:48.999 to go I unto the cornucopia of amour to eat its many fruits. 00:09:48.999 --> 00:09:51.060 to go I unto the cornucopia of amour to eat its many fruits. 00:09:51.060 --> 00:09:55.230 Come, find joy in love, whensoever thou art married. 00:09:55.230 --> 00:09:57.967 It shall not be but one repast thou shall think, 00:09:57.967 --> 00:10:00.013 "Oops. All Berries!" 00:10:00.013 --> 00:10:01.327 - Yeah, okay fine. (laughs) 00:10:01.327 --> 00:10:02.518 (bell dings) - Kind of a stretch? 00:10:02.518 --> 00:10:03.351 (laughs) 00:10:03.351 --> 00:10:07.020 - I shall see thee tonight at the fête, but now I must go. 00:10:07.020 --> 00:10:07.853 Cheerio. 00:10:07.853 --> 00:10:10.129 - Oh wow. Yeah, absolutely. (bell dings) 00:10:10.129 --> 00:10:11.880 - Oh wretched nurse! 00:10:11.880 --> 00:10:14.971 Oh more wretched me that this now Count Chocula, I must see. 00:10:14.971 --> 00:10:17.130 Oh more wretched me that this now Count Chocula, I must see. 00:10:17.130 --> 00:10:19.320 - Aye, you must bear his arms 00:10:19.320 --> 00:10:21.510 and to greater bear his suit, 00:10:21.510 --> 00:10:25.467 oh gentle monster of thy father this dire Fruit Brute. 00:10:25.467 --> 00:10:26.517 (Sam and Joey laugh) 00:10:26.517 --> 00:10:28.878 - Whoa! Discontinued. 00:10:28.878 --> 00:10:30.510 - Was that a cereal? 00:10:30.510 --> 00:10:31.343 - Yes! 00:10:31.343 --> 00:10:32.462 - I didn't even know that one! 00:10:32.462 --> 00:10:33.295 (bell dings) 00:10:33.295 --> 00:10:35.730 - And if this causes butterflies to light upon thy tummy, 00:10:35.730 --> 00:10:38.843 take it up with thy mother thy delicious Yummy Mummy. 00:10:38.843 --> 00:10:40.324 - Oh my gosh. (laughs) (bell dings) 00:10:40.324 --> 00:10:41.736 - These are Count Chocula's friends. 00:10:41.736 --> 00:10:42.993 (laughs) 00:10:42.993 --> 00:10:45.960 - He shall have no love of me. 00:10:45.960 --> 00:10:48.540 No soprano, only treble, 00:10:48.540 --> 00:10:50.700 for I shall never touch his Wheaties 00:10:50.700 --> 00:10:52.260 or know his Fruity Pebbles. 00:10:52.260 --> 00:10:54.413 - Oh! Two points. (laughs) 00:10:54.413 --> 00:10:56.250 (bell dings) - You speak this in youth, 00:10:56.250 --> 00:11:00.300 knowing not the pricks of age's wounds and cuts. 00:11:00.300 --> 00:11:02.550 You spurn his Fruity Pebbles 00:11:02.550 --> 00:11:05.013 but you shall give thee his Grape Nuts. 00:11:05.013 --> 00:11:05.846 (Sam laughing) (somber dramatic music) 00:11:05.846 --> 00:11:08.640 - I know not the pricks of age. 00:11:08.640 --> 00:11:11.820 I know not such pain either. 00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:14.940 But I tell thee though I know no pricks like this, 00:11:14.940 --> 00:11:17.172 I shall not know his either. 00:11:17.172 --> 00:11:18.355 (somber orchestral music) 00:11:18.355 --> 00:11:20.223 - 'Tis well, lady. 00:11:21.723 --> 00:11:24.810 Thou shouldst not love in obedience merely. 00:11:24.810 --> 00:11:25.860 - What am I gonna do then? 00:11:25.860 --> 00:11:29.012 - Thou must unto this fête go, 00:11:29.012 --> 00:11:30.060 but mayhap at this party, 00:11:30.060 --> 00:11:33.660 some other companion 00:11:33.660 --> 00:11:35.073 to thee it shall show. 00:11:36.840 --> 00:11:41.250 - So then I shall place a crown upon a lover's head. 00:11:41.250 --> 00:11:44.400 For one night I shall not have breakfast, 00:11:44.400 --> 00:11:46.565 but I shall have lunch instead. 00:11:46.565 --> 00:11:47.398 - Aye. 00:11:47.398 --> 00:11:50.430 - With lover one and lover two made known, 00:11:50.430 --> 00:11:55.110 Shakespeare dictates a rival next be shown. 00:11:55.110 --> 00:11:59.310 Our players will earn points for saying subtly 00:11:59.310 --> 00:12:00.630 the names (bell dings) 00:12:00.630 --> 00:12:03.827 of some "Fortune 500 Companies." 00:12:03.827 --> 00:12:06.480 (nervous chuckling) 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:07.622 - Bleh! 00:12:07.622 --> 00:12:11.130 (Sam and contestants laugh) 00:12:11.130 --> 00:12:14.880 From distant land of Chocula, 00:12:14.880 --> 00:12:17.880 across the Carpathians have I come, 00:12:17.880 --> 00:12:20.500 here to Verona to take to myself this special fruit 00:12:20.500 --> 00:12:23.375 here to Verona to take to myself this special fruit 00:12:23.375 --> 00:12:27.480 to pluck from off this tree, this Apple 00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:28.860 of Italy. (bell dings) 00:12:28.860 --> 00:12:31.492 - Must noble Lord of Chocula, 00:12:31.492 --> 00:12:32.325 (boisterous laughter) 00:12:32.325 --> 00:12:35.040 finally branch shall be knitted 00:12:35.040 --> 00:12:38.310 through the husbandry of marriage to your noble house 00:12:38.310 --> 00:12:40.470 that heirs may be brought forth 00:12:40.470 --> 00:12:44.190 and the noble name of Chocula can reign forever 00:12:44.190 --> 00:12:46.896 in the Transylvanian mountains. 00:12:46.896 --> 00:12:47.730 (boisterous laughter) 00:12:47.730 --> 00:12:48.660 - Yes, Basil. 00:12:48.660 --> 00:12:51.480 It is her coffers and her father's name that I want, 00:12:51.480 --> 00:12:53.940 not the girl, this Portia. 00:12:53.940 --> 00:12:56.670 I care not for herself, only for thus, 00:12:56.670 --> 00:12:58.800 the purse she brings along. 00:12:58.800 --> 00:13:01.107 - I think Portia was a point for Joey. 00:13:01.107 --> 00:13:01.940 (bell dings) 00:13:01.940 --> 00:13:03.624 - Was an unexpected point. I'll take it. 00:13:03.624 --> 00:13:04.457 (boisterous laughter) 00:13:04.457 --> 00:13:05.290 Hmm. 00:13:05.290 --> 00:13:09.150 This purse indeed, which she can definitely, af-Ford 00:13:09.150 --> 00:13:10.530 to give to me, (bell dings) 00:13:10.530 --> 00:13:12.600 I shall take in victory. 00:13:12.600 --> 00:13:15.870 Ah, victory. What's the Greek word for victory? 00:13:15.870 --> 00:13:16.718 - Nike? 00:13:16.718 --> 00:13:17.835 (bell dings) - Yes! 00:13:17.835 --> 00:13:19.170 (laughter and clapping) 00:13:19.170 --> 00:13:23.790 - From the frosty realms, I almost unto the step you come 00:13:23.790 --> 00:13:28.020 to finally make your household great as it deserves to be 00:13:28.020 --> 00:13:32.430 rigid, hard, no longer small and delicate. 00:13:32.430 --> 00:13:35.205 Strong and hard, not Microsoft. 00:13:35.205 --> 00:13:36.270 (Sam laughs) (bell dings) 00:13:36.270 --> 00:13:38.536 - Ah, my master! Ah! (laughs) 00:13:38.536 --> 00:13:40.495 - Oh, here comes Google. 00:13:40.495 --> 00:13:42.300 (Sam and contestants laughter) (bell dings) 00:13:42.300 --> 00:13:44.360 - Oh with your divining wisdom, Google, 00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:48.450 do you see a fortuitous ending of this marriage? 00:13:48.450 --> 00:13:51.135 Come on, Google. I feel lucky. Tell me. 00:13:51.135 --> 00:13:55.890 - Here now that fortune may not be besmirched. 00:13:55.890 --> 00:14:00.779 Let Google in his mind now do a Google search. 00:14:00.779 --> 00:14:02.940 (groans and sputters) 00:14:02.940 --> 00:14:03.773 - It's so violent. 00:14:03.773 --> 00:14:05.340 - It hurts. It hurts every time. 00:14:05.340 --> 00:14:06.990 - And says I hath! 00:14:06.990 --> 00:14:07.823 - Yahoo! (bell dings) 00:14:07.823 --> 00:14:10.710 - And says I can give thee 00:14:10.710 --> 00:14:14.520 if only thou wilt release the curse you have on me 00:14:14.520 --> 00:14:18.060 and one sigh at last, Google is free. 00:14:18.060 --> 00:14:22.099 I won't have to crawl on that or Disney. 00:14:22.099 --> 00:14:23.784 (bell dings) (Sam chuckling) 00:14:23.784 --> 00:14:25.677 - Then we have a deal. Now speak. 00:14:25.677 --> 00:14:30.086 Let the words of thy mouth and my ear now be United. 00:14:30.086 --> 00:14:30.919 (bell dings) 00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:35.657 - No more gasping expirations. Enough with this GE. 00:14:35.657 --> 00:14:37.323 (bell dings) 00:14:37.323 --> 00:14:41.190 - Oh, oh then here let me give one last gasp, 00:14:41.190 --> 00:14:43.200 one last breath, 00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:45.902 and tell you to beware 00:14:45.902 --> 00:14:48.682 this fête shall end in death. 00:14:48.682 --> 00:14:49.830 (gasp) 00:14:49.830 --> 00:14:50.880 - It's pretty vague. 00:14:50.880 --> 00:14:51.713 - Yes! 00:14:51.713 --> 00:14:52.546 - Release me! 00:14:52.546 --> 00:14:54.540 - I made the deal. I made the deal. 00:14:54.540 --> 00:14:55.890 Then you are released. 00:14:55.890 --> 00:14:58.388 Take back what form you once had. 00:14:58.388 --> 00:15:00.408 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 00:15:00.408 --> 00:15:02.160 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 00:15:02.160 --> 00:15:04.043 - Disney is straight again. 00:15:04.043 --> 00:15:06.305 This is straight out of Disney. 00:15:06.305 --> 00:15:07.238 (Sam dying at 'Dis-knee' pun) 00:15:07.238 --> 00:15:08.608 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 00:15:08.608 --> 00:15:11.210 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 00:15:11.210 --> 00:15:14.730 At last I returned to my mermaid form. 00:15:14.730 --> 00:15:16.650 - Yes. It was a mermaid. 00:15:16.650 --> 00:15:20.493 - I was a mermaid when I was caught at sea many years ago. 00:15:21.420 --> 00:15:24.870 Cursed by this wretched Count Chocula. 00:15:24.870 --> 00:15:27.180 But now, now I'm, 00:15:27.180 --> 00:15:28.740 now I'm, I'm... 00:15:28.740 --> 00:15:30.780 Could somebody take me to the ocean? 00:15:30.780 --> 00:15:33.000 - Sorry, we are inland in Verona. 00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:33.990 - Pretty landlocked. 00:15:33.990 --> 00:15:36.038 - We couldn't get the Visa needed 00:15:36.038 --> 00:15:37.320 (bell dings) for ocean travel. 00:15:37.320 --> 00:15:39.090 - I shall tell you more! 00:15:39.090 --> 00:15:40.860 I shall give you all devotion, 00:15:40.860 --> 00:15:44.220 if only you will promise to take me to the ocean. 00:15:44.220 --> 00:15:47.730 - Yes. A second deal, a corollary to the first. 00:15:47.730 --> 00:15:49.860 You told me once that someone will die. 00:15:49.860 --> 00:15:53.130 If you can make your charge specific, 00:15:53.130 --> 00:15:57.117 I shall throw thee in the Atlantic or mayhap Pacific. 00:15:57.117 --> 00:15:57.950 (somber music) 00:15:57.950 --> 00:16:01.980 - Then here take me to the sea and set me on the brink 00:16:01.980 --> 00:16:04.110 for there is love at this fête, 00:16:04.110 --> 00:16:06.510 but not with the one you think. 00:16:06.510 --> 00:16:08.130 - Oh! 00:16:08.130 --> 00:16:11.790 I know who I do think I shall love and she shall love me. 00:16:11.790 --> 00:16:14.820 I have drawn my bow, knocked arrow, 00:16:14.820 --> 00:16:18.409 and have it aimed clearly at a Target. 00:16:18.409 --> 00:16:19.242 (bell dings) 00:16:19.242 --> 00:16:22.320 Is this arrow to go astray and hit a different one? 00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:25.920 - It matters not so long as you find love, my lord. 00:16:25.920 --> 00:16:28.067 It is worth the Chase. 00:16:28.067 --> 00:16:29.280 (bell dings) Then go. 00:16:29.280 --> 00:16:31.620 I shall do what is within my power 00:16:31.620 --> 00:16:35.370 to bring this mermaid back to the Adriatic. 00:16:35.370 --> 00:16:40.370 - Then come, gentle sir, giver of all good luck. 00:16:40.500 --> 00:16:43.140 Let me frolic among the seahorse 00:16:43.140 --> 00:16:45.451 and underneath the Starbuck. 00:16:45.451 --> 00:16:46.530 (bell dings) (chuckles) 00:16:46.530 --> 00:16:49.650 - Go forth into the oceans and rivers 00:16:49.650 --> 00:16:51.720 where e're you chance upon, 00:16:51.720 --> 00:16:55.901 be it Atlantic, Pacific, Nile or Amazon. 00:16:55.901 --> 00:16:56.734 (bell dings) 00:16:56.734 --> 00:17:00.420 - So I shall go and I shall do my job. 00:17:00.420 --> 00:17:03.891 Me, Basil, last name Charles Schwab. 00:17:03.891 --> 00:17:05.760 (boisterous laughter) 00:17:05.760 --> 00:17:07.260 - Point for Ross. (bell dings) 00:17:07.260 --> 00:17:09.360 And we will end that scene. 00:17:09.360 --> 00:17:13.770 It seems to me time for a comic break, 00:17:13.770 --> 00:17:17.283 the form of silly Cockneys shall it take. 00:17:18.270 --> 00:17:22.980 And if my troupe is brave enough to try it, 00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:26.137 they shall earn points by blending in 00:17:26.137 --> 00:17:27.582 (bell dings) "Fad Diets." 00:17:27.582 --> 00:17:29.581 (laughing and chuckling) 00:17:29.581 --> 00:17:31.250 - 'Allo, blokes. 00:17:31.250 --> 00:17:35.413 We been 'ired to play the fête at a Duke Orsino this night. 00:17:35.413 --> 00:17:38.640 - I shall have a gig. Is it even so? 00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:40.568 - It is so, Atkins. 00:17:40.568 --> 00:17:41.401 (bell dings) 00:17:41.401 --> 00:17:43.627 - You mean to tell me, Keto, 00:17:43.627 --> 00:17:44.460 (bell dings) 00:17:44.460 --> 00:17:45.840 that our musical stylin' 00:17:45.840 --> 00:17:48.300 shall be heard by the Duke Orsino himself? 00:17:48.300 --> 00:17:50.850 - Aye, indeed, he shall hear our styles 00:17:50.850 --> 00:17:53.460 that have been known from ages of yore. 00:17:53.460 --> 00:17:55.467 Even in the Paleo era, 00:17:55.467 --> 00:17:56.300 (Sam laughs) (bell dings) 00:17:56.300 --> 00:17:58.440 was our musical styling known. 00:17:58.440 --> 00:17:59.730 - Oh well. 00:17:59.730 --> 00:18:03.180 It has been some time since I have tuned my instrument. 00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:04.350 For it has been some time 00:18:04.350 --> 00:18:06.900 since we have been called upon to have a gig. 00:18:06.900 --> 00:18:10.170 Indeed, I do not know if my tones shall be lasting 00:18:10.170 --> 00:18:14.166 for between gig to gig, there was some Intermittent Fasting. 00:18:14.166 --> 00:18:15.376 (Sam laughing) 00:18:15.376 --> 00:18:17.478 - That's a point for Blaine. (bell dings) 00:18:17.478 --> 00:18:20.100 - So let thy fast end now, Atkins. 00:18:20.100 --> 00:18:21.570 Let us practice a bit, 00:18:21.570 --> 00:18:24.510 give our voice to its mellifluous tones. 00:18:24.510 --> 00:18:28.115 Not the harsher tones we have, only smoothies. 00:18:28.115 --> 00:18:29.730 (Sam cackles) 00:18:29.730 --> 00:18:31.547 - I really admire the effort. 00:18:31.547 --> 00:18:32.790 - Only smoothies. 00:18:32.790 --> 00:18:33.780 - All smoothies! 00:18:33.780 --> 00:18:34.613 - No harsh tones. 00:18:34.613 --> 00:18:35.446 - No harsh ones! 00:18:35.446 --> 00:18:36.510 - [Both] Only smoothies. 00:18:36.510 --> 00:18:37.560 - Only smoothies. - Wait! 00:18:37.560 --> 00:18:38.675 - [Ross] What? - Watchers! 00:18:38.675 --> 00:18:39.508 (bell dings) 00:18:39.508 --> 00:18:41.250 - Say, it should be in privacy. Nay, nay. 00:18:41.250 --> 00:18:42.270 - We're here. 00:18:42.270 --> 00:18:43.140 - The caravan passes. 00:18:43.140 --> 00:18:45.118 - I feel eyes upon me now. 00:18:45.118 --> 00:18:47.273 The watchers are in the darkness. 00:18:47.273 --> 00:18:49.410 - They who would judge us from the shadows, aye, 00:18:49.410 --> 00:18:52.117 and so grimly be counting points. 00:18:52.117 --> 00:18:53.558 (chuckling laughter) 00:18:53.558 --> 00:18:54.806 ♪ Hmm ♪ 00:18:54.806 --> 00:18:57.277 ♪ Hmm ♪ 00:18:57.277 --> 00:19:01.078 ♪ We tell a tale today ♪ (gentle music) 00:19:01.078 --> 00:19:03.096 ♪ Of love from the past ♪ 00:19:03.096 --> 00:19:06.889 ♪ Hoping that the love you find today shall last ♪ 00:19:06.889 --> 00:19:09.216 ♪ The love you find today ♪ 00:19:09.216 --> 00:19:11.718 ♪ That none shall have to beg ♪ 00:19:11.718 --> 00:19:13.817 ♪ We'll share with you the tale ♪ 00:19:13.817 --> 00:19:16.958 ♪ Of a lover named Jenny Craig. ♪ 00:19:16.958 --> 00:19:17.798 (bell dings) 00:19:17.798 --> 00:19:21.489 ♪ Oh, Jenny was a maiden ♪ 00:19:21.489 --> 00:19:23.687 ♪ Struck out on her own ♪ 00:19:23.687 --> 00:19:26.517 ♪ Aye, there to find her way abroad ♪ 00:19:26.517 --> 00:19:28.305 ♪ Aye, even in The Zone ♪ 00:19:28.305 --> 00:19:29.138 (Sam gasps) (bell dings) 00:19:29.138 --> 00:19:31.988 ♪ Aye, there indeed she'd walk abroad ♪ 00:19:31.988 --> 00:19:34.417 ♪ To find a lover's fate ♪ 00:19:34.417 --> 00:19:38.076 ♪ Spurning all despised men ♪ 00:19:38.076 --> 00:19:39.876 ♪ As she did carbohydrates ♪ 00:19:39.876 --> 00:19:41.027 (bell dings) 00:19:41.027 --> 00:19:43.686 ♪ And so she spurned all of those men ♪ 00:19:43.686 --> 00:19:46.097 ♪ And gave them gentle barbs ♪ 00:19:46.097 --> 00:19:48.126 ♪ She said I shall have none of you ♪ 00:19:48.126 --> 00:19:50.948 ♪ For each of you are carbs ♪ 00:19:50.948 --> 00:19:53.314 ♪ She sent them all away ♪ 00:19:53.314 --> 00:19:55.526 ♪ And flicked them like a booger ♪ 00:19:55.526 --> 00:19:57.536 ♪ And said I shall have nothing sweet ♪ 00:19:57.536 --> 00:19:59.726 ♪ For I declare no sugar ♪ 00:19:59.726 --> 00:20:00.559 (bell dings) 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.086 ♪ We hope from this our lesson ♪ 00:20:03.086 --> 00:20:04.954 ♪ Into you is learned ♪ 00:20:04.954 --> 00:20:06.956 ♪ And that the calories of love ♪ 00:20:06.956 --> 00:20:09.465 ♪ Shall soon by thee be burned ♪ 00:20:09.465 --> 00:20:11.806 ♪ And that from the heat they're in ♪ 00:20:11.806 --> 00:20:14.833 ♪ You'll dance upon your leg ♪ 00:20:14.833 --> 00:20:19.166 ♪ We've taught you now the tale of the lover ♪ 00:20:19.166 --> 00:20:22.355 ♪ Jenny Craig ♪ 00:20:22.355 --> 00:20:24.635 (Sam applauds) 00:20:24.635 --> 00:20:27.523 - My God, men! 00:20:27.523 --> 00:20:30.480 I will cut this scene off there. 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:32.490 Pray tell, what's next? (dramatic music) 00:20:32.490 --> 00:20:35.310 Our worlds, they collide. 00:20:35.310 --> 00:20:39.510 The theme of game show is at last applied. 00:20:39.510 --> 00:20:44.220 Our players must wrong rights or else right wrongs 00:20:44.220 --> 00:20:46.125 while listing off the names 00:20:46.125 --> 00:20:46.958 (bell dings) 00:20:46.958 --> 00:20:48.837 of "'90s Songs." 00:20:48.837 --> 00:20:50.790 (breathing deeply) 00:20:50.790 --> 00:20:55.230 - All here, it's daytime fête, do indeed make merry. 00:20:55.230 --> 00:20:59.190 And yet it is a burden too great for my weary soul to carry. 00:20:59.190 --> 00:21:01.170 Aye, there is music 00:21:01.170 --> 00:21:04.320 if the eyes and ears are tuned to hear it. 00:21:04.320 --> 00:21:05.910 And other senses as well, 00:21:05.910 --> 00:21:08.736 for in here t'even "Smells Like Teen Spirit." 00:21:08.736 --> 00:21:09.569 (bell dings) 00:21:09.569 --> 00:21:10.402 - Aye, so it is. 00:21:10.402 --> 00:21:11.850 Take evidence from this music. 00:21:11.850 --> 00:21:14.490 Love is not to be charmed by posy and verse. 00:21:14.490 --> 00:21:17.100 It's not what thou sayest but the other elements, 00:21:17.100 --> 00:21:20.670 the smells and also these sounds that thou now has heard. 00:21:20.670 --> 00:21:24.076 Know that love is indeed "More than Words." 00:21:24.076 --> 00:21:24.909 (muffled chuckling) (bell dings) 00:21:24.909 --> 00:21:29.400 - I thank thee, Benvolio, for reaching out to me 00:21:29.400 --> 00:21:31.590 and tending to my heart, "My Emotions", 00:21:31.590 --> 00:21:33.182 most laboriously. (bell dings) 00:21:33.182 --> 00:21:35.304 I know as a friend I'm kind of a lot. 00:21:35.304 --> 00:21:36.137 (subdued chuckling) 00:21:36.137 --> 00:21:37.410 - 'Tis well for I know that 00:21:37.410 --> 00:21:40.140 no matter what slogs we do perform now 00:21:40.140 --> 00:21:42.960 that the night shall end 'neath a steeple, 00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:47.075 taking vows in thy happiness amidst "Shiny Happy People". 00:21:47.075 --> 00:21:48.145 (Sam wheezing with laughter) (bell dings) 00:21:48.145 --> 00:21:52.680 - Aye, oh me. It is the second time I have dropped my drink. 00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:55.050 Oh, what a stumbly sin. 00:21:55.050 --> 00:21:56.640 Aye, dear Portia. 00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:58.341 "Oops, I Did It Again." 00:21:58.341 --> 00:21:59.370 (bell dings) 00:21:59.370 --> 00:22:00.990 - I shall absent myself, 00:22:00.990 --> 00:22:03.540 for indeed I see the charms of the night take place 00:22:03.540 --> 00:22:05.160 without Benvolio's pandering. 00:22:05.160 --> 00:22:07.410 Look at her, look how she holds herself. 00:22:07.410 --> 00:22:10.440 Behold as the moon eclipsed off of her, 00:22:10.440 --> 00:22:12.690 I tell thee, get her another cup. 00:22:12.690 --> 00:22:15.814 This is an opportunity for love, "Straight Up." 00:22:15.814 --> 00:22:17.280 (Sam quietly cackles) (bell dings) 00:22:17.280 --> 00:22:18.450 - Was that a song, Joey? 00:22:18.450 --> 00:22:20.940 - Paula Abdul's, "Straight Up!" 00:22:20.940 --> 00:22:22.350 Do not be cold-hearted! 00:22:22.350 --> 00:22:25.176 She can be forever your girl. Opposites attract. 00:22:25.176 --> 00:22:26.485 (laughter) 00:22:26.485 --> 00:22:29.318 (enchanted music) 00:22:30.750 --> 00:22:34.710 - Thy glass, lady. Upon the floor, its glinting I did see. 00:22:34.710 --> 00:22:38.905 Indeed this glass almost did "Crash Into Me." 00:22:38.905 --> 00:22:40.056 (gasps dramatically) (bell dings) 00:22:40.056 --> 00:22:44.880 - Who is this gentle? My heart does not understand. 00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:48.219 I look and see his "Body is a Wonderland." 00:22:48.219 --> 00:22:49.950 (bell dings) 00:22:49.950 --> 00:22:53.910 He does bear himself gently and without much fuss 00:22:53.910 --> 00:22:57.939 and his answer to me the query, "What if God was One of Us?" 00:22:57.939 --> 00:22:59.460 (Sam cackles) (bell dings) 00:22:59.460 --> 00:23:02.260 - Who indeed is such a maid set here for all to see? 00:23:02.260 --> 00:23:05.010 - Who indeed is such a maid set here for all to see? 00:23:05.010 --> 00:23:07.226 Such a maiden with a form and frame that is most "Juicy." 00:23:07.226 --> 00:23:10.301 Such a maiden with a form and frame that is most "Juicy." 00:23:10.301 --> 00:23:12.000 (Sam laughs) (bell dings) 00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:14.010 Oh, can I speak? 00:23:14.010 --> 00:23:17.910 Should I speak to hear some amorous plea? 00:23:17.910 --> 00:23:22.910 Aye, how can I speak for her own words "Hypnotize" me. 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.793 (bell dings) 00:23:23.793 --> 00:23:26.392 - Sweet good sir. 00:23:26.392 --> 00:23:30.720 Ere I become a love like swarmer, tell me thy name. 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:33.120 I bid you, be a quick "Informer." 00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:34.688 (Sam laughs) (bell dings) 00:23:34.688 --> 00:23:36.066 - "Don't Speak." (bell dings) 00:23:36.066 --> 00:23:36.974 - Point for Ross. 00:23:36.974 --> 00:23:39.270 - My name is Antonio. 00:23:39.270 --> 00:23:41.940 But no benison or boon could be placed upon that name 00:23:41.940 --> 00:23:45.840 more so than it having it be spoken by thy mouth. 00:23:45.840 --> 00:23:47.280 Therefore I take back my words. 00:23:47.280 --> 00:23:48.840 Do speak. 00:23:48.840 --> 00:23:52.023 Speak my name and rechristen me anew. 00:23:52.980 --> 00:23:54.870 - I shall speak my name. 00:23:54.870 --> 00:23:56.970 And let me not be too toward, 00:23:56.970 --> 00:24:00.990 as now I say Portia and I take two steps forward. 00:24:00.990 --> 00:24:01.823 - That a song? 00:24:01.823 --> 00:24:02.920 - This is what Joey mentioned earlier. 00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:04.145 It's a Paula Abdul song. 00:24:04.145 --> 00:24:05.337 - Doesn't count! Doesn't count! 00:24:05.337 --> 00:24:06.170 (laughter and clapping) 00:24:06.170 --> 00:24:09.990 - But I shall take two steps back in thy arms 00:24:09.990 --> 00:24:12.480 for the first time in weeks now feel alive. 00:24:12.480 --> 00:24:15.605 And hark, musicians! They play the "Mambo Number Five." 00:24:15.605 --> 00:24:16.860 (bell dings) (giggling laughter) 00:24:16.860 --> 00:24:17.760 - Oh! 00:24:17.760 --> 00:24:18.593 ♪ Dench ♪ 00:24:18.593 --> 00:24:19.426 ♪ Dench ♪ 00:24:19.426 --> 00:24:21.039 ♪ Den, den, da, da, da ♪ 00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:23.010 ♪ Dench, dench ♪ 00:24:23.010 --> 00:24:26.370 - Oh this day which formerly was so crappy, 00:24:26.370 --> 00:24:30.090 now I "Don't Worry, I Am Just Happy". 00:24:30.090 --> 00:24:31.504 - We'll give it to him. (bell dings) 00:24:31.504 --> 00:24:33.150 - By thy eyes and arms, 00:24:33.150 --> 00:24:36.060 by thy soul's most shining light, 00:24:36.060 --> 00:24:37.350 if we carry on till evening, 00:24:37.350 --> 00:24:39.311 I shall "Die in Thy Arms Tonight." 00:24:39.311 --> 00:24:40.320 (bell dings) 00:24:40.320 --> 00:24:43.650 - Let us find a priest this very night 00:24:43.650 --> 00:24:45.960 and be married now at last. 00:24:45.960 --> 00:24:49.680 We must do it in haste, good Antonio, quickly now and fast 00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:52.950 for my heart forever for you it has grown, 00:24:52.950 --> 00:24:56.031 for "Today" is the greatest today I've ever known. 00:24:56.031 --> 00:24:56.864 (boisterous laughter) 00:24:56.864 --> 00:24:57.697 - And a point. (bell dings) 00:24:57.697 --> 00:24:59.624 - "I Want It That Way." (bell dings) 00:24:59.624 --> 00:25:00.457 (Sam and crew laughs) 00:25:00.457 --> 00:25:03.690 - Hail! Well met, young ones. 00:25:03.690 --> 00:25:05.820 - Priest Backstreet! I thought you were gone. 00:25:05.820 --> 00:25:07.300 But "Backstreet's Back." 00:25:07.300 --> 00:25:09.520 (bell dings) - All right! 00:25:09.520 --> 00:25:11.761 - Here when I was on the verge of "Losing My Religion." 00:25:11.761 --> 00:25:13.530 (bell dings) 00:25:13.530 --> 00:25:15.840 - Oh and I know who thou are too. 00:25:15.840 --> 00:25:17.670 Portia, the daughter of the Duke. 00:25:17.670 --> 00:25:18.503 - Aye. 00:25:18.503 --> 00:25:20.010 And as I am the daughter of the Duke, 00:25:20.010 --> 00:25:21.660 here I give you command. 00:25:21.660 --> 00:25:23.880 Now bind me to this man. 00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:25.650 Bind together our hand. 00:25:25.650 --> 00:25:28.200 For I tell thee now upon my very life, 00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:29.820 I would have him as my husband 00:25:29.820 --> 00:25:31.560 if he would take me as his wife. 00:25:31.560 --> 00:25:35.070 - I take thee. I take thee with a heart most true. 00:25:35.070 --> 00:25:39.130 And I tell thee plainly, "And I Will Always Love You." 00:25:39.130 --> 00:25:39.963 (bell dings) 00:25:39.963 --> 00:25:43.350 - Hear these vows from me, aye, for the rest of thy days, 00:25:43.350 --> 00:25:48.060 for 'tis true that God works in "Mysterious Ways." 00:25:48.060 --> 00:25:48.893 (bell dings) 00:25:48.893 --> 00:25:50.850 Let thy commitment to these vows be yes. 00:25:50.850 --> 00:25:53.010 Never no nor maybe, 00:25:53.010 --> 00:25:54.990 lest the frigidness of thy heart 00:25:54.990 --> 00:25:57.441 turn to "Ice and Iced Babies." 00:25:57.441 --> 00:25:58.274 (wheezed laugh) (bell dings) 00:25:58.274 --> 00:25:59.900 - Point. That was a little on the- 00:25:59.900 --> 00:26:01.007 - "Too Cold." Too cold. (bell dings) 00:26:01.007 --> 00:26:02.160 - Oh! 00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:04.080 - Marriage is between you. 00:26:04.080 --> 00:26:06.240 Marriage, this is it. 00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:08.490 Marriage lasting forever. 00:26:08.490 --> 00:26:10.350 That's "2 Legit. 00:26:10.350 --> 00:26:11.401 - [All] 2 Quit" 00:26:11.401 --> 00:26:12.234 (bell dings) 00:26:12.234 --> 00:26:13.932 - Points for all three. (laughs) 00:26:13.932 --> 00:26:14.765 (somber music) 00:26:14.765 --> 00:26:18.270 - Then you shall be my mister and I shall be your missus 00:26:18.270 --> 00:26:21.921 and forever I shall give you "Butterfly Kisses." 00:26:21.921 --> 00:26:23.100 (bell dings) (boisterous laughter) 00:26:23.100 --> 00:26:26.250 - Married after knowing each other for like, 00:26:26.250 --> 00:26:27.510 three, four minutes. 00:26:27.510 --> 00:26:28.343 - I mean, you can't wait. 00:26:28.343 --> 00:26:29.176 You gotta just, (claps) 00:26:29.176 --> 00:26:30.009 you gotta do it. 00:26:30.009 --> 00:26:32.310 - Nay, some do say that fools rush in, 00:26:32.310 --> 00:26:34.500 then call me foolish. 00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:36.240 I am bereft of mind. 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:40.350 What was Antonio was here replaced by thee. 00:26:40.350 --> 00:26:43.230 And I love thy voice's sound 00:26:43.230 --> 00:26:46.380 and I find myself as you find me, 00:26:46.380 --> 00:26:47.589 "When I Come Around." 00:26:47.589 --> 00:26:48.422 (bell dings) 00:26:48.422 --> 00:26:50.040 - I shall make my exit this. 00:26:50.040 --> 00:26:52.800 But list carefully thy love must be true. 00:26:52.800 --> 00:26:55.140 Now I must go find my boy 00:26:55.140 --> 00:26:56.256 "Jeremy!" 00:26:56.256 --> 00:26:58.380 (bell dings) (Sam laughs) 00:26:58.380 --> 00:27:00.810 - Now we are bound together. (relaxing music) 00:27:00.810 --> 00:27:04.050 Soon in body, now in souls. 00:27:04.050 --> 00:27:06.150 But if we hear my father, 00:27:06.150 --> 00:27:08.109 know "The Thunder Rolls." 00:27:08.109 --> 00:27:08.942 (bell dings) 00:27:08.942 --> 00:27:09.930 - Wait your dad's not into this? 00:27:09.930 --> 00:27:12.360 - Huh? No, let's go. We gotta go. 00:27:12.360 --> 00:27:15.540 - Then let us go until the dawn's most early light. 00:27:15.540 --> 00:27:16.723 Tomorrow comes to pace, 00:27:16.723 --> 00:27:19.781 for now we have "Tonight, Tonight!" (bell dings) 00:27:19.781 --> 00:27:21.390 - Point for Ross! (laughs) 00:27:21.390 --> 00:27:22.989 I think we might might've had some 80s 00:27:22.989 --> 00:27:24.210 and 70s starting there, but you know what? 00:27:24.210 --> 00:27:25.350 I'll take it. 00:27:25.350 --> 00:27:29.610 Another scene. I wrote this down in case the drama peaks. 00:27:29.610 --> 00:27:32.820 Our characters give chase. 00:27:32.820 --> 00:27:36.780 The players, should they want to earn my praises, 00:27:36.780 --> 00:27:38.389 must integrate a few 00:27:38.389 --> 00:27:39.222 (bell dings) 00:27:39.222 --> 00:27:41.284 "Sitcom Catch Phrases." 00:27:41.284 --> 00:27:43.050 (breathes deeply) 00:27:43.050 --> 00:27:43.950 - Blah! 00:27:43.950 --> 00:27:45.150 Where is this girl 00:27:45.150 --> 00:27:47.247 that is supposed to be married to me thus? 00:27:47.247 --> 00:27:49.170 Her father tells me she cannot be found. 00:27:49.170 --> 00:27:50.940 - I promise thee good, my Lord. 00:27:50.940 --> 00:27:54.900 As her nurse, I am leading the search for this lady. 00:27:54.900 --> 00:27:57.870 - Quickly I must pack and in haste be away 00:27:57.870 --> 00:28:01.470 that I might love my dear Antonio for another day. 00:28:01.470 --> 00:28:06.470 - Come, I see a baleful and saddened disposition 00:28:06.510 --> 00:28:08.010 for the loss of this maid. 00:28:08.010 --> 00:28:09.840 And if thou wouldst unburden thy soul 00:28:09.840 --> 00:28:13.470 unto a nurse who is used to being used as a sounding board 00:28:13.470 --> 00:28:15.810 for such lamentations. 00:28:15.810 --> 00:28:17.696 Speak, "I'm listening." 00:28:17.696 --> 00:28:18.529 (bell dings) 00:28:18.529 --> 00:28:19.903 (gasps dramatically) - Point for Ross. 00:28:19.903 --> 00:28:21.210 - You will listen thus to me? 00:28:21.210 --> 00:28:23.250 None ever does such. 00:28:23.250 --> 00:28:27.060 Aye, my aspect too often scares them off like a curse. 00:28:27.060 --> 00:28:28.950 But you will talk to me. 00:28:28.950 --> 00:28:30.789 "Whatcha talkin' 'bout," Nurse? 00:28:30.789 --> 00:28:32.790 (bell dings) (Sam cackles) 00:28:32.790 --> 00:28:35.400 - I judge thee not for thy grim aspect, 00:28:35.400 --> 00:28:38.550 thy sunken cheek, thy high peaked collar, 00:28:38.550 --> 00:28:41.160 and thy extreme widow's peak. 00:28:41.160 --> 00:28:43.470 - Aye. This is my aspect. 00:28:43.470 --> 00:28:47.640 And yet with all power and masculinity that it carries, 00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:50.160 I am left alone only. 00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:52.800 The truth is that Count Chocula is, 00:28:52.800 --> 00:28:54.630 "wait for it." (bell dings) 00:28:54.630 --> 00:28:56.190 Lonely. 00:28:56.190 --> 00:28:58.020 - Oh I forgot to pack a lunch. 00:28:58.020 --> 00:29:01.680 Now hunger now my tease, I've got to pack a lunch quickly. 00:29:01.680 --> 00:29:03.186 "Anybody got some cheese?" 00:29:03.186 --> 00:29:04.437 (Sam laughs) (bell dings) 00:29:04.437 --> 00:29:05.700 - That'll be a point for Blaine, 00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:08.280 whose points of reference are clearly the same as mine. 00:29:08.280 --> 00:29:10.320 - I am a lonely creature, Nurse, 00:29:10.320 --> 00:29:12.090 for I have no confidence in myself 00:29:12.090 --> 00:29:15.240 and do not think I am capable to be loved. 00:29:15.240 --> 00:29:18.930 - Most noble Count, if thou art capable of loving 00:29:18.930 --> 00:29:21.150 then thou art capable of receiving. 00:29:21.150 --> 00:29:24.210 Thou has shown thyself to be tender of disposition, 00:29:24.210 --> 00:29:25.920 for in thy loneliness 00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:28.500 that thou shows thyself to be sensitive. 00:29:28.500 --> 00:29:29.610 There is a handsomeness 00:29:29.610 --> 00:29:32.700 to the crags and plains of thy visage. 00:29:32.700 --> 00:29:36.150 - Cheese now fetched, I must return onto my boy. 00:29:36.150 --> 00:29:39.516 Oh now I am so happy, I shall do the "dance of joy!" 00:29:39.516 --> 00:29:40.349 (bell dings) - That's a point. 00:29:40.349 --> 00:29:43.080 - But wherefore does thou enter into this marriage 00:29:43.080 --> 00:29:46.260 ist for love on this most amorous hour? 00:29:46.260 --> 00:29:48.840 Or is this merely to unite two families 00:29:48.840 --> 00:29:51.621 and so you can have "more power?" 00:29:51.621 --> 00:29:53.384 - And a point for Ross. (bell dings) 00:29:53.384 --> 00:29:54.217 (relaxing music) 00:29:54.217 --> 00:29:57.870 - My eyes eclipsed are by those of another 00:29:57.870 --> 00:30:00.090 to something I did not know. 00:30:00.090 --> 00:30:04.890 But looking at you, ah, the mermaid's cause 'tis obvious. 00:30:04.890 --> 00:30:05.747 "Doh!" 00:30:05.747 --> 00:30:06.580 (bell dings) 00:30:06.580 --> 00:30:07.626 (chuckles) - Sure. 00:30:07.626 --> 00:30:09.690 - If you truly do spy in me 00:30:09.690 --> 00:30:11.670 the direction thou wouldst go, 00:30:11.670 --> 00:30:14.640 if I be worthy of a Count's good love, 00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:17.031 what can I say but "whoa?" 00:30:17.031 --> 00:30:17.864 (bell dings) 00:30:17.864 --> 00:30:18.840 (laughter) 00:30:18.840 --> 00:30:20.577 - Let not my lips be here too hasty. 00:30:20.577 --> 00:30:21.638 But... 00:30:23.261 --> 00:30:24.094 (lips kiss) 00:30:24.094 --> 00:30:25.350 (gasps dramatically) 00:30:25.350 --> 00:30:26.529 "Did I do that?" 00:30:26.529 --> 00:30:27.362 (bell dings) 00:30:27.362 --> 00:30:28.290 (Sam and Blaine laughing and clapping) 00:30:28.290 --> 00:30:30.237 Oh what happiness now comes into me. 00:30:30.237 --> 00:30:33.270 Ah, my back's straighter, cracks itself. 00:30:33.270 --> 00:30:36.600 Oh no more marriage to be done to the Duke Orsino's daughter 00:30:36.600 --> 00:30:39.360 for I have found true happiness this night. 00:30:39.360 --> 00:30:41.280 I am happy for the first time. 00:30:41.280 --> 00:30:43.092 "Bazinga!" "Dyn-o-mite!" 00:30:43.092 --> 00:30:43.925 (bell dings) 00:30:43.925 --> 00:30:44.758 (Sam laughs) 00:30:44.758 --> 00:30:48.360 - Well, if happiness can guide two wayward souls 00:30:48.360 --> 00:30:49.950 to thus be together, 00:30:49.950 --> 00:30:52.170 then we should perhaps find some way 00:30:52.170 --> 00:30:54.300 to make our matrimony last forever. 00:30:54.300 --> 00:30:56.420 There's a priest named Backstreet. 00:30:56.420 --> 00:30:57.270 (Blaine and Sam laughing) 00:30:57.270 --> 00:30:58.410 - Is that so? 00:30:58.410 --> 00:30:59.730 He's nearby? 00:30:59.730 --> 00:31:03.210 - An itinerant padre who doth wander about our town. 00:31:03.210 --> 00:31:05.340 - I am not a fan of Backstreet so much, 00:31:05.340 --> 00:31:07.500 but it seems the two of us are in sync. 00:31:07.500 --> 00:31:09.630 Let us go there to his monastery, 00:31:09.630 --> 00:31:12.720 find mayhap he shall marry us both. 00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:15.123 Though when I see the Duke Orsino, 00:31:15.123 --> 00:31:16.830 this is very true. 00:31:16.830 --> 00:31:19.662 Count Chocula's gonna "have a lot of 'splain' to do." 00:31:19.662 --> 00:31:21.388 (bell dings) - Point for Joey. (laughs) 00:31:21.388 --> 00:31:23.370 - Is it true what we have heard, my love? 00:31:23.370 --> 00:31:25.470 Overheard through these walls 00:31:25.470 --> 00:31:29.220 that love unto Count Chocula to another calls? 00:31:29.220 --> 00:31:31.020 - So it seems. 00:31:31.020 --> 00:31:35.640 If 'tis so, then thy betrothed aims no longer at thy stead 00:31:35.640 --> 00:31:38.250 and finds some other beguiling person 00:31:38.250 --> 00:31:39.420 to catch his eye instead. 00:31:39.420 --> 00:31:40.710 - Who then indeed? 00:31:40.710 --> 00:31:43.260 Love betwixt us forever can be brewing, 00:31:43.260 --> 00:31:45.390 for I have loved you ever since you saw me 00:31:45.390 --> 00:31:46.733 and said, "How you doin'?" 00:31:46.733 --> 00:31:47.663 - And (bell dings) 00:31:47.663 --> 00:31:49.497 a point for Blaine. (laughs) 00:31:49.497 --> 00:31:52.890 - Let us go unto my father and see what he does say. 00:31:52.890 --> 00:31:56.160 No doubt he shall approve and give a fatherly- 00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:57.826 - [Both] "Ayy!" (bell dings) 00:31:57.826 --> 00:32:02.190 - And a point for both Ross and Blaine. 00:32:02.190 --> 00:32:03.780 It's closing in. 00:32:03.780 --> 00:32:06.570 The ending of our play 00:32:06.570 --> 00:32:10.170 is tragedy or comedy today? 00:32:10.170 --> 00:32:14.730 But playing still my game show the same goes, 00:32:14.730 --> 00:32:16.791 a point for every name 00:32:16.791 --> 00:32:17.624 (bell ding) 00:32:17.624 --> 00:32:19.692 of a "Game Show." 00:32:19.692 --> 00:32:20.525 (soft dramatic music) 00:32:20.525 --> 00:32:21.570 - Ah! 00:32:21.570 --> 00:32:24.690 Absented a while thou has been, girl. 00:32:24.690 --> 00:32:29.195 - Father, here now I have confession to make unto thee. 00:32:29.195 --> 00:32:30.660 - Father, here now I have confession to make unto thee. 00:32:30.660 --> 00:32:33.810 There is a reason that my visage thou did not see. 00:32:33.810 --> 00:32:35.520 For I shall tell thee 00:32:35.520 --> 00:32:39.750 in this late morning party air, 00:32:39.750 --> 00:32:44.460 I did find a lover with whom my life I would share. 00:32:44.460 --> 00:32:46.590 - Already this day once have I told thee 00:32:46.590 --> 00:32:48.600 thou shalt marry according to my order, 00:32:48.600 --> 00:32:51.300 and this singly was enough. 00:32:51.300 --> 00:32:55.110 But now twice this day you have abandoned my order! 00:32:55.110 --> 00:32:57.240 Twice this day you've troubled! 00:32:57.240 --> 00:33:00.509 Girl, thou art in danger and now thy "Jeopardy" is doubled. 00:33:00.509 --> 00:33:01.342 (bell dings) 00:33:01.342 --> 00:33:03.327 - My father! I tell thee thou art not being fair! 00:33:03.327 --> 00:33:04.887 Thou carest only about money 00:33:07.020 --> 00:33:09.191 and asks, "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" 00:33:09.191 --> 00:33:11.910 (bell dings) - I do. I do! I wanna be it! 00:33:11.910 --> 00:33:14.130 - His money shall not last. 00:33:14.130 --> 00:33:19.000 The love we seek is here, yearned for and unasked for, 00:33:19.000 --> 00:33:21.000 and thus it did appear. 00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:25.170 Let us love what is and not think on what we did. 00:33:25.170 --> 00:33:27.150 Build not thy edifice of money, 00:33:27.150 --> 00:33:30.547 this "$25,000 Pyramid." 00:33:30.547 --> 00:33:31.755 (Sam cackles) (bell dings) 00:33:31.755 --> 00:33:35.100 - I shall heed thee no longer! 00:33:35.100 --> 00:33:38.280 And thy words, I give no care. 00:33:38.280 --> 00:33:40.890 If thou wouldst bid me do what thou wants, 00:33:40.890 --> 00:33:43.452 fight me I "Double Dare." 00:33:43.452 --> 00:33:44.285 (bell dings) 00:33:44.285 --> 00:33:45.690 - I shall not fight mine own daughter. 00:33:45.690 --> 00:33:47.730 - Then thy daughter shall fight you! 00:33:47.730 --> 00:33:50.520 - [Joey] Huh? Is it so, girl? - Yes. Oh yes. 00:33:50.520 --> 00:33:53.130 - You shall stab thine own father? 00:33:53.130 --> 00:33:54.330 Such threats you should make. 00:33:54.330 --> 00:33:57.060 I was here ready to give mercy to this man 00:33:57.060 --> 00:33:58.470 who hath bewitched thee. 00:33:58.470 --> 00:34:00.630 A choice I make for thee. 00:34:00.630 --> 00:34:02.310 Banishment or death. 00:34:02.310 --> 00:34:03.870 Exit thyself from out of Verona. 00:34:03.870 --> 00:34:06.510 Thou shalt be alive. You shall be real. 00:34:06.510 --> 00:34:07.650 That is the question then. 00:34:07.650 --> 00:34:10.772 Death or exile? "Deal or No Deal?" 00:34:10.772 --> 00:34:12.490 (bell dings) - One point. 00:34:12.490 --> 00:34:14.730 - Thou shouldst then come to some accord. 00:34:14.730 --> 00:34:17.070 But this would be a flaw. 00:34:17.070 --> 00:34:19.941 Where is victory in this "Win, Lose or Draw?" 00:34:19.941 --> 00:34:20.774 (bell dings) (Sam chuckles) 00:34:20.774 --> 00:34:22.890 - Come now, Father, thou hast made a mistake. 00:34:22.890 --> 00:34:26.095 Let me take my sword and ask of you, "Is It Cake?" 00:34:26.095 --> 00:34:27.761 (bell dings) (Sam laughs) 00:34:27.761 --> 00:34:30.840 - If this is not in your instrument sweet, your grace, 00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:35.460 nay, we have been married this day by Padre Backstreet, 00:34:35.460 --> 00:34:37.590 a lurking and hidden priest, 00:34:37.590 --> 00:34:39.503 a "Legend of the Hidden Temple." 00:34:39.503 --> 00:34:40.336 (bell dings) 00:34:40.336 --> 00:34:41.343 (laughter and clapping) 00:34:41.343 --> 00:34:43.650 And we now in secret marriage 00:34:43.650 --> 00:34:47.010 have made this compact before the eyes of God. 00:34:47.010 --> 00:34:48.420 Our love is true. 00:34:48.420 --> 00:34:52.410 - And so is ours! So is ours. 00:34:52.410 --> 00:34:54.240 I shall give thee what coins thou wish 00:34:54.240 --> 00:34:55.800 as long as you hurt the not the girl. 00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:58.950 For I this day have found love, but not with her. 00:34:58.950 --> 00:35:03.210 I know I have done something that could be seemed rude. 00:35:03.210 --> 00:35:04.530 I have betrayed you 00:35:04.530 --> 00:35:07.708 and also been the cause of this "Family Feud." 00:35:07.708 --> 00:35:09.374 (Sam chuckles) (bell dings) 00:35:09.374 --> 00:35:10.380 - That's a point for Joey. 00:35:10.380 --> 00:35:11.213 - Aye. 00:35:11.213 --> 00:35:12.900 In speaking not but sooth, 00:35:12.900 --> 00:35:16.101 this is what it feels like thus "To Tell the Truth." 00:35:16.101 --> 00:35:17.163 (bell dings) - Aye! 00:35:17.163 --> 00:35:19.480 I know not what to say. 00:35:19.480 --> 00:35:20.313 (somber music) 00:35:20.313 --> 00:35:22.080 And yet everyone else seems fine. 00:35:22.080 --> 00:35:25.050 You have naught but words to speak. 00:35:25.050 --> 00:35:27.000 And to thy father, "What's My Line?" 00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:27.833 (bell dings) 00:35:27.833 --> 00:35:31.560 I have been betrayed by a nurse, 00:35:31.560 --> 00:35:33.243 by a potential son, 00:35:35.100 --> 00:35:37.710 by this guy I've never even seen before. 00:35:37.710 --> 00:35:38.543 What's your name? 00:35:38.543 --> 00:35:39.376 - My name's Antonio. 00:35:39.376 --> 00:35:41.700 - Great. Antonio. (Sam laughs and claps) 00:35:41.700 --> 00:35:45.540 - But worst of all, worst of all is my daughter. 00:35:45.540 --> 00:35:46.863 And yet these tears, 00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:51.660 these tears like some secret key ope' my heart. 00:35:51.660 --> 00:35:56.010 Aye, they are a shibboleth unheard. 00:35:56.010 --> 00:35:59.160 These tears now find the way inside 00:35:59.160 --> 00:36:02.417 like some magic "Password." (bell dings) 00:36:02.417 --> 00:36:07.260 - There is a song in love, though it sometimes cause pain. 00:36:07.260 --> 00:36:09.510 It draws us forth from out ourselves 00:36:09.510 --> 00:36:11.220 when we hear it's blessed strain. 00:36:11.220 --> 00:36:12.053 - What is it? 00:36:12.053 --> 00:36:14.820 - If only if thou couldst hear it too 00:36:14.820 --> 00:36:16.620 and sing it if you hear it. 00:36:16.620 --> 00:36:19.650 I beg thee, Duke, know the song of love 00:36:19.650 --> 00:36:21.333 and "Don't Forget the Lyrics." 00:36:21.333 --> 00:36:23.144 (bell dings) - Point for Ross. 00:36:23.144 --> 00:36:26.040 - Aye, nay, this song is not taught by myself. 00:36:26.040 --> 00:36:27.870 It comes on me too soon. 00:36:27.870 --> 00:36:29.977 I know not the song you speak of. 00:36:29.977 --> 00:36:31.102 "Name That Tune." 00:36:31.102 --> 00:36:31.935 (Sam chortles) (bell dings) 00:36:31.935 --> 00:36:32.768 - Point. 00:36:32.768 --> 00:36:34.950 - And too name this tune as well, 00:36:34.950 --> 00:36:37.290 for I would have my wish. 00:36:37.290 --> 00:36:40.440 I who went to the ocean but doubled back, 00:36:40.440 --> 00:36:42.733 I want to be married to this half woman, half fish. 00:36:42.733 --> 00:36:44.520 (laughter and clapping) 00:36:44.520 --> 00:36:45.990 - Basil Charles Schwab! 00:36:45.990 --> 00:36:48.153 - It is I, Basil Charles Schwab! 00:36:49.020 --> 00:36:52.386 Google and I seek a- Oh! 00:36:52.386 --> 00:36:55.050 Do seek marriage here. 00:36:55.050 --> 00:36:59.820 I too have found love, most illicit perhaps in some eyes, 00:36:59.820 --> 00:37:01.350 but most true. 00:37:01.350 --> 00:37:04.500 - Bless our union, heavenly as it is, 00:37:04.500 --> 00:37:07.590 feasting on divine fruits and guava. 00:37:07.590 --> 00:37:11.893 Cast us not into hell where "The Floor is Lava." 00:37:11.893 --> 00:37:12.726 (Sam laughs) (bell dings) 00:37:12.726 --> 00:37:13.886 - [Sam] Point! - So it is. 00:37:13.886 --> 00:37:16.740 And there I have been burning myself. 00:37:16.740 --> 00:37:19.710 Let me banish now all expectations of this day. 00:37:19.710 --> 00:37:23.430 Send out these commands from out this place. 00:37:23.430 --> 00:37:25.230 Love is not to be ordered. 00:37:25.230 --> 00:37:28.360 Nay, love is to be found in "The Chase." 00:37:28.360 --> 00:37:29.193 (bell dings) 00:37:29.193 --> 00:37:32.350 Here let me as thy father, who is truly 00:37:33.720 --> 00:37:35.014 the Father. 00:37:35.014 --> 00:37:35.847 (gasps dramatically) 00:37:35.847 --> 00:37:39.480 Yep, it was me, Father Backstreet the whole time. 00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:40.811 Don't ask too many questions. 00:37:40.811 --> 00:37:42.299 - Wait. What? 00:37:42.299 --> 00:37:43.380 - Not too many questions. 00:37:43.380 --> 00:37:44.370 - So what's going on with your dad? 00:37:44.370 --> 00:37:45.203 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:37:45.203 --> 00:37:47.700 I think maybe Father Backstreet is really gone 00:37:47.700 --> 00:37:49.067 and he's not really back. 00:37:49.067 --> 00:37:51.840 But it was my father in disguise the whole time. 00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:54.631 - Sure! Sure. Yes. That seems about right. Yes. 00:37:54.631 --> 00:37:56.010 (Sam chortles) 00:37:56.010 --> 00:37:58.080 Let us now triple the boons of this day. 00:37:58.080 --> 00:38:00.540 You already married by me earlier. 00:38:00.540 --> 00:38:01.373 - Yeah. 00:38:01.373 --> 00:38:05.160 - You married just a second ago, probably thereabouts. 00:38:05.160 --> 00:38:08.310 And these, these unexpected lovers 00:38:08.310 --> 00:38:10.590 who not even of the same species 00:38:10.590 --> 00:38:12.690 shall find their way here to love. 00:38:12.690 --> 00:38:13.770 Three indeed. 00:38:13.770 --> 00:38:16.597 - I have been too long gone from the ocean. 00:38:16.597 --> 00:38:17.915 - No, no. Oh no. (laughs) 00:38:17.915 --> 00:38:18.748 - My love. 00:38:18.748 --> 00:38:21.411 - I spoke with prophesying breath. 00:38:21.411 --> 00:38:22.244 (somber music) 00:38:22.244 --> 00:38:24.630 I told you the truth when I did say 00:38:24.630 --> 00:38:27.005 this day would end in death. 00:38:27.005 --> 00:38:27.838 (gasps dramatically) 00:38:27.838 --> 00:38:29.850 Farewell, my love. 00:38:29.850 --> 00:38:33.960 Know that from death thy name I shall shout. 00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:38.960 But for now at last Google just does "Wipe Out." 00:38:39.273 --> 00:38:40.470 (bell dings) 00:38:40.470 --> 00:38:44.010 - I did think there were three marriages to be had this day, 00:38:44.010 --> 00:38:45.900 that all would be happy. 00:38:45.900 --> 00:38:47.880 And yet it is not so. 00:38:47.880 --> 00:38:50.857 Turns out thus Cupid's arrows come. 00:38:50.857 --> 00:38:51.877 "Tic, 00:38:51.877 --> 00:38:53.347 "Tac, 00:38:53.347 --> 00:38:54.297 "Dough." 00:38:54.297 --> 00:38:55.130 (bell dings) 00:38:55.130 --> 00:38:57.240 - Let me put away this sword. 00:38:57.240 --> 00:39:00.210 Let death no longer be our fate. 00:39:00.210 --> 00:39:03.535 You shall not be victim of today's "ElimiDate." 00:39:03.535 --> 00:39:04.368 (bell dings) 00:39:04.368 --> 00:39:07.950 - Set aside these burdensome dollars 00:39:07.950 --> 00:39:10.890 and still more burdensome blame. 00:39:10.890 --> 00:39:15.097 Set aside all these conditions and thy crafty 00:39:15.097 --> 00:39:16.503 "Game of Games." 00:39:16.503 --> 00:39:17.400 (bell dings) 00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:20.100 - 'Twould seem that the lesson we have learned 00:39:20.100 --> 00:39:23.730 here is a cost that leaves its mark. 00:39:23.730 --> 00:39:26.730 We have here made bargains 00:39:26.730 --> 00:39:29.160 and have here found out this night 00:39:29.160 --> 00:39:32.100 that with love, even death sometimes comes. 00:39:32.100 --> 00:39:33.067 For in love- 00:39:33.067 --> 00:39:34.634 - [All] "The Price is Right." 00:39:34.634 --> 00:39:35.467 (bell dings) 00:39:35.467 --> 00:39:36.570 - Points across the board. 00:39:36.570 --> 00:39:40.350 - Let us gently relieve our stresses 00:39:40.350 --> 00:39:43.740 by listening to the gentles you did hire this day 00:39:43.740 --> 00:39:47.190 to sing our fears and tears away. 00:39:47.190 --> 00:39:48.060 - Aye. 00:39:48.060 --> 00:39:52.110 Bring forth these English minstrels 00:39:52.110 --> 00:39:53.880 and we'll hear their amorous call. 00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:55.890 And while they sing, we'll sit over here, 00:39:55.890 --> 00:39:57.556 over by "The Wall." 00:39:57.556 --> 00:39:58.389 (bell dings) 00:39:58.389 --> 00:39:59.482 - Oh, very good. 00:39:59.482 --> 00:40:01.186 (Joey clears throat) 00:40:01.186 --> 00:40:02.851 ♪ Mmm, mmm ♪ 00:40:02.851 --> 00:40:06.036 ♪ Mmm, mmm ♪ 00:40:06.036 --> 00:40:09.484 ♪ Oh diet not in loving ♪ 00:40:09.484 --> 00:40:13.516 ♪ Oh for by dieting you kill ♪ 00:40:13.516 --> 00:40:16.505 ♪ When it comes to eating loving ♪ 00:40:16.505 --> 00:40:20.082 ♪ You should always eat your fill ♪ 00:40:20.082 --> 00:40:22.876 ♪ Eat your fill in evening ♪ 00:40:22.876 --> 00:40:25.984 ♪ And in morning too ♪ 00:40:25.984 --> 00:40:29.615 ♪ Cereals are like morning ♪ 00:40:29.615 --> 00:40:32.915 ♪ For morning has happened to you ♪ 00:40:32.915 --> 00:40:35.784 ♪ And let the morning rise ♪ 00:40:35.784 --> 00:40:39.484 ♪ May you have five centuries of sons ♪ 00:40:39.484 --> 00:40:41.762 ♪ And if you have that much love ♪ 00:40:41.762 --> 00:40:45.934 ♪ You'll have 500 fortunes ♪ 00:40:45.934 --> 00:40:49.025 ♪ And so it is you open up ♪ 00:40:49.025 --> 00:40:51.884 ♪ Your ears when you do hear it ♪ 00:40:51.884 --> 00:40:55.386 ♪ The song of love in all its many ♪ 00:40:55.386 --> 00:40:57.135 ♪ 90s lyrics ♪ 00:40:57.135 --> 00:40:58.172 (Sam gasps) 00:40:58.172 --> 00:41:01.143 ♪ Love can be a challenge ♪ 00:41:01.143 --> 00:41:04.103 ♪ Love can seem how rude ♪ 00:41:04.103 --> 00:41:05.114 (wheezing laughter) 00:41:05.114 --> 00:41:08.495 ♪ And sometimes though, when you know it ♪ 00:41:08.495 --> 00:41:11.066 ♪ You know "you've got it, dude" ♪ 00:41:11.066 --> 00:41:12.483 (more wheezing laughter) 00:41:12.483 --> 00:41:15.884 ♪ And now unto O dear-o love ♪ 00:41:15.884 --> 00:41:19.116 ♪ We bid you be no stranger ♪ 00:41:19.116 --> 00:41:22.255 ♪ Though love is ever moving ♪ 00:41:22.255 --> 00:41:24.306 ♪ For love is a ♪ 00:41:24.306 --> 00:41:29.172 ♪ Game Changer ♪ 00:41:29.172 --> 00:41:30.615 - My God! 00:41:30.615 --> 00:41:31.830 (Joey laughs) 00:41:31.830 --> 00:41:33.810 The curtain drops! (upbeat music) 00:41:33.810 --> 00:41:35.970 The peasants are aghast. 00:41:35.970 --> 00:41:40.200 The Queen herself stands up and offers claps. 00:41:40.200 --> 00:41:45.120 But one of you showed me a special will. 00:41:45.120 --> 00:41:48.120 Ross Bryant, I offer you this prize. 00:41:48.120 --> 00:41:49.255 - Oh wow. 00:41:49.255 --> 00:41:50.088 - A quill. 00:41:50.088 --> 00:41:50.975 - A quill. 00:41:50.975 --> 00:41:51.808 - A quill. 00:41:51.808 --> 00:41:52.641 - Dang! 00:41:52.641 --> 00:41:55.260 - That does it for us here at "Game Most Changed." 00:41:55.260 --> 00:41:58.590 I am Sam Reich, your humble head of stage, 00:41:58.590 --> 00:42:02.108 reminding you that Shakespeare knows no time. 00:42:02.108 --> 00:42:02.941 (victorious music) 00:42:02.941 --> 00:42:06.330 His influence will be here the whole time. 00:42:06.330 --> 00:42:11.255 Goodnight. (audience applauds and cheers) 00:42:11.255 --> 00:42:15.005 (victorious music continues)