Howie. A moment of your time?
It's police business.
I'm listenin'.
My associate and I are currently
searching for a rotund man in a bib.
Mm. Yeah, I saw 'im.
Came in on the train this mornin'.
Made a big racket around my construction site about
how he was real big and powerful with his epithet.
Made it hard to work.
Hasn't been back since.
Drat.
I'm glad you're here though.
Nice to see somebody's doin' their job around here.
Came into town today on a whim
'cause I heard this place needed fixin' up.
Thought it'd be a nice, relaxin' day of work.
But ever since I got here, this place's been pissin' me off!
Went into town to get my worker bees some
[Honeyed Snacks] since they were doin' such a good job...
...and then that sheriff was playin hopscotch
with those Banzai Blasters instead of arrestin' them!
RAMSEY: Was he winning?
NO! HE WASN'T WINNIN'!!!
He was just standin' there,
NOT doin' his JOB!!!
OoooOOOoohhh and don't even get me started on that Well Watcher!
I cain't STAND seein' people with
jobs they ain't qualified for!
RAMSEY: What makes you qualified to watch a well?
Ooooh, makes me SICK!
Makes my blood boil...
(grumbles) Makes me so mad I cain't even words...
...and if you don't pay attention,
your job might go sneakin' off into the woods.
Aww, c'mon man! Be cool. ;)
Everyone knows the coolest thing to be...
Is an upright citizen.
LAAAAAME.
W-what do we do?
The bosses still aren't back yet!
Forget the bosses!
LET'S CHEESE IT!!!
(cheese)
RED: Don't all cheese it in the same direction, you idiots!
GREEN: There's nowhere else to go!
It appears both your cheese and your escape plan are
full of holes.
YELLOW: Quick! Over the side!
(scampering)
PERCY: Ah. Wasn't expecting that.
I'll construct a Wizard-
Aw, drat. My stamina is too low!
(ain't no hampering this scampering)
(CLANG!)
YELLOW: What the?
GREEN: Uh... the lock on the container broke!
(appleanch, the girls scream)
RED: Ugh! I can't MOVE!
GREEN: Ugh, me neither! Stupid health food.
YELLOW: This is why my diet consists
exclusively of cereal marshmallows.
PERCY: Thank you for that assist, Howie.
I'm afraid I was at a loss there without my epithet.
HOWIE: ...Hm.
[He digs around in his toolbox and produces a
[HONEYED SNACK].
He tosses it down to her.]
Here, Percy. It's a [HONEYED SNACK].
Workin' man's food... cures what ails ya.
Puts a grin on your chin.
That looks like a screw covered in honey.
(CHOMP!)
(emphatically) Workin' man's food.
(gulp)
Oh, and uh, Percy?
No need to thank me.
I know it must be hard to
do your job when you come unprepared and can't
wiggle your fingers and magic your way through it.
PERCY: Was that a jab?
HOWIE: Might'a been.
PERCY: Was that a challenge?
HOWIE: Mighta been.
Hm. Hm!
Well then!
It seems my honor as a police officer has been
called into question!
And the only way I'll be able to satisfy you...
[She takes a bite into the [SNACK].]
...is to do my job.
(gulp)
Very well!
I declare that,
despite my low energy, and the odds,
I will capture every criminal lurking in this town!
ZORA: Hey now, that's the spirit!
Hiya~
(Title Theme plays) ♪
WAKE UP!
You've got a lot to do today ♪
Feel proud and wipe your eyes, 'cause hey ♪
Stifle the yawn, You stayed up 'til dawn ♪
Let's see what you been workin' on ♪
IT'S GONE Keep in mind ♪
The DEADLINE is closing in ♪
Your byline, the headline, They're in the bin ♪
Uncompleted, all deleted ♪
WHAT'S GOING ON!? You'll have to crunch ♪
And work til' dawn til' you die! ♪
Cut out the corners, cross the Ts, and dot the Is ♪
Whip out the white-out but keep it in good taste ♪
Just so that no one will ♪
Ever know it's defaced ♪
Epithet Erased ♪
ZORA: Episode 7: Winner Take All
ZORA!
Zora Salazar...
Aw, you recognize me~?
Any self-respecting officer of the Sweet Jazz Police Force
would recognize you.
One of the four leading officers of the mundie terrorist group,
Bliss Ocean!
I'm flattered...
Though, I prefer "bounty hunter" to "terrorist".
Have you ever once hunted someone
with a bounty higher than your own?
Oh I would, but,
I've been at the top of the list for so long.
That's how you know I'm good.
And right now, I'm gunnin' for
that fellow over there...
No! <:3
(Laughter) Ramsey!
I gave you an hour to hide behind any object you could find
and you picked a cop!?
Aw, buddy...
PERCY: Why is a bounty hunter pursuing you?
It was my understanding you'd already been captured.
Clearly she is crazy.
I have never done anything wrong in my life.
Officer? Arrest that woman.
Come on, Eyebrows.
You said you know who I am!
You're not seriously goin' to stand in my way
knowin' what I'm capable of, right?
A true officer of the law stands by her principles,
no matter the circumstances.
That is my job, after all.
[Howie nods.]
(whistle)
DANG you're dumb!
(laughter)
I like it!
Alright!
If that's the way you wanna play it!
You, uh...
You really think you can beat her?
Normally?
No.
But with your assistance,
and the power of this
glucose-ridden confection,
anything... is possible.
Is it though?
Certainly!
We'll apprehend her,
and then move on to our missing Banzai Vice Prinicpal.
Oh, you mean Bibsy Tons-o-Fun?
I already took care of him.
...Wait.
Aww, don't tell me you're after this?
The amulet!
(cowboy cackle)
Aww, that is too perfect!
This must be FATE!
You want the necklace... and I want Ramsey!
Tell ya what!
How 'bout we duel for it?!
Winner take all!
Hell, both 'a you can fight me at once!
That'll make it more even.
Heck, I'll even match whatever weapon you use!
Mano a mano! Pistol to pistol!
Ugly rat man vs. the...
grossest face I can make while fightin'!
Y'know, I do have feelings!
Kindly remove yourself from my construction site.
Please.
If you say so!
[Zora grabs him by the collar and
throws both of them off the tower!]
Howie!
[Howie braces himself for impact!
...but there isn't one.
He finds himself floating, suspended in midair.]
(sigh) Of course.
You got an epithet...
Sure do! Give ya three guesses as to what it is~!
PERCY: Sundial!
Your epithet allows you to dial things
forward and backwards in any process.
Gravity... intertia... the cycle of the sun...
...even a life span.
(Zora clicks her tongue)
Just gonna out me like that, huh?
You're no fun.
But yeah, that's right
I can manipulate anything with a set beginning and end.
Like how long it takes to fall off a building!
...or how long it takes a building to fall.
[She leans over and grabs the scaffolding...
As she tightens her grip on the steal beam,
it rusts and decays!
the bottom crumbles, and the structure begins to
fall towards the ground!]
RAMSEY: Move, move, move, move!
ZORA: Tiiimbeeeer!
HOWIE: I'm gonna let you get away with that...
One. Time.
ZORA: Duly noted~
(gunshots, shattering) Whoops~
HOWIE: (roars)
[Howie swipes at her like a bear in a beehive!]
PERCY: Howie, no!
Don't fall for her dupesmanship!
ZORA: And my personal favorite ability...
How close someone is to death.
Take your friend here, for instance.
[Slowly Howie's hair begins to grey...
his skin wrinkles and sags...
and the man ages 40 years in a matter of seconds...]
My god! He's...
Old.
HOWIE: Silver hair...?
No!
I promised I'd work myself to death by the age of 35!
Anything less means I wasn't tryin' hard enough!
Since you've done your homework,
I'm willin' to bet you also know that I can
imbue my epithet into objects!
Like this bullet, for instance.
(gunshot)
(time dialation, wood cracking)
A single hit from one of these
and you're done!
...and that's just no fun at all, is it?
That's why I joined Bliss Ocean in the first place, y'know?
Truth is?
I hate epithets.
I guess I'm a bit of a romantic, at heart...
I like the idea of "true competition."
Duels at dawn! Battles of destiny!
Just two warriors givin' it their all where the only
decidin' factor is pure, old-fashioned skill!
Is that why you dress up as a cowboy?
(gunshot) AUGH.
Don't interrupt.
But these days? Skill don't matter anymore!
You can train your whole life and be the
be the best you that you can be,
just to get beat by some schmo born with a superpower.
That's why I wanna get rid of these things!
You shouldn't get to be strong just 'cause you're lucky.
You really think you can stand in my way?
...not like this.
...Oh?
It's obvious that, epithet to epithet,
I would be no match for you.
But... perhaps if...
I CAN OUTDRAW YOU HYAH-
Tree.
Ah. Well.
Ope! There it goes!
There goes the peashooter...
Oh no~ (blows) Oh no...
(quietly) Oh no...~
That was a gift.
Oh. I'm sorry.
I actually feel kinda bad now...
No, no... it's fine.
(sad music) He fell in the line of duty...
It's how he always wanted to go.
(stilted) Oh, Danny boy.
The pipes.
The pipes. Are... calling.
Well! I can see you two are busy, so I'm just gonna-
(frantic sprinting)
Welp. He's dead.
Later!
Wait, what's happening?
Tree!
No!
Are you alright, Howie?
Don't worry about me.
You still got a job to do!
Very well.
I'll be back to get you down soon!
Keep up the good work!
Welp.
You heard 'er, boys.
Back to work.
HOWIE: Epithet Erased.
ZORA: There was gonna be another minute of commercials,
But I sped it up! You're welcome.
(Ramsey panting)
Okay! I think...
I think I'm safe... for now.
ZORA: Raaaaamsey...
Where aaare youuu~?
Aw crap! Did she see me!?
Of course she saw me, I look like a dollar store juice box!
Looks like I'm goin' bareback!
(struggling)
(bush rustling)
Ah! Back off!
I have an art degree!
Ramsey, there you are.
Oh! Hiya, officer!
Well...
Better caught with my shirt up than my pants down, eh?
Yes, it's much more difficult to run that way.
Are you unharmed?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. C'mon! Let's get outta here!
No, wait. Come with me.
I have a plan.
RAMSEY: Y'wanna tell me what it is?
...No?
Just gonna walk right out into what is clearly a trap?
Alright, that's fine, no that's good!
PERCY: Zora! Show yourself!
We can't possibly beat you!
Your epithet is too strong!
RAMSEY: Oh good, yeah, I LOVE gettin' shot!
PERCY: But!
If we come together,
mundie and inscribed alike,
and face you in a contest of skill,
then we can beat you at your own game!
Listen, thank you for your help,
but really you're no longer involved!
This is a me problem?
No!
It is a WE problem!
(cuff'd)
What is THIS!?!
Eraser cuffs!
Any powers we may have are completely negated!
So no trial, just death sentence, then?
(Laughter from the trees)
Are you serious!?
Quite.
You said you'd match whatever weapons we used, correct?
Then I propose a challenge!
An epithet-free battle!
Winner gets the necklace, and Ramsey.
Did you just BET ME!?!
...alright! Why not?
I like your spirit, lady.
Let's shake on it.
[Zora spits in her palm and extends her hand.]
[Percy spits on Zora's palm as well,
as a show of good faith.
Alright, close enough!
Do I not get a say in this!?
PERCY: I don't understand why you're so upset.
You don't have an epithet to lose.
RAMSEY: I. GUESS. I. DON'T. NOW.
ZORA: Alright, here's the rules:
No epithets of any kind.
Mundie weapons are fair game.
First one to break a rule or cry "uncle" loses.
Agreed?
Agreed.
NOOO! Not agreed, NOT AGREED!
Great!
Guess that means I gotta turn my epithet off.
Aaaand it just so happens I left some bullets
suspended in these woods before this fight, so...
Y'might wanna duck!
Hyah!
[Percy draws her blade and dances past the bullets,
swinging her sword in wide arcs,
and smacking them away.]
[Ramsey's cuffed to her arm, so every time that she swings
he just flies back and forth and absorbs like
half of the bullets!]
Ow! OW! OOH!!!
PERCY: Remember, Ramsey! You have to dodge the bullets!
RAMSEY: Yeah! I bet it's real easy when I'M THE SHIELD!
What weapons do you have on hand?
(sarcastically) A box of crayons!
Excellent! You've already shown off their combat capability!
FORWARD!
AaaaaaAAAAAAH!!!
RAMSEY: [As Percy swings, Ramsey hears something jingling at her side.
a small, silver blur dances on her belt.]
The key! GIMME THAT.
[He goes for it!]
(tackle, gunshot)
Dangit.
Thanks for the save, Ramsey!
Nyeh! Nyeh! Nnnngh!
[Zora skips back and begins reloadin'.]
Now is our chance!
[Percy grabs Ramsey's hands and begins to
spin around to gain momentum!]
What!? What?!? What are you doing!?!
[She spins him round, and round, and then releases-!
sending Ramsey's noodle body
flying through the air like a hammer toss!]
Agh!
Ngh... get off!
She points her gun at him!
(Ramsey spits)
(stammering)
Bleeeugh!
I can reload too, ya know!
(hocks a loogie)
ZORA: [I spit in his mouth.]
Bleghdghsdhs, bleeugh!!!
Did that seriously just happen!?
Yup!
(tackle, gun goes off)
Dangit, lady! Would you let me get a shot off!?
...Oh boy.
TREE!
(all cry out in pain)
My sword!
The necklace!
The key!
BOTH: Nnngh... agh!
Ugh. If only we had something that could
attack over a distance.
I feel like you're missin' an obvious solution, here!
Of course! How foolish of me!
[She picks up Ramsey's crayons and tosses them at Zora!]
FACE THE CRAYONS OF CRIME, VILLAIN!
Hah! Got it!
Ow!
What the...?
Did you just throw a color stick at me?
No effect!
I supposed one needs a blackened heart
to use a blackened weapon.
This is orange!
Ow!
Hey!
Excellent! Now we can retrieve my sword!
RAMSEY: Forget the sword, c'mon!
Where'd that thing get to...?
Ah! There you are!
Now, where's my other-
(gun cocking)
...gun.
Hey. >:3
Oh please...
You think an amateur like you can hit me?
No! But I can do this!
Hey! Don't f@&%in' mess with my guns!
I made those!
Oh! So breakin' stuff's only fun if it's not yours?
Nope! Still fun! I'm havin' a ball!
I'm gonna let you get away with that...
One. Time.
Shut up.
ZORA: HrrrrrrRAAAAAGH!!!
Ya ought notta did that.
What are you gonna do? Shoot me?
[Zora pulls out a second gun!]
What were you complainin' about? You had another one!
Oh, my face!
My horrible, horrible face!
[Percy loops around Zora so that the cuff's chain pulls
back on Zora's neck and chokes her!]
PERCY: I'm afraid the only necklace you'll be wearing
is the necklace of justice!
ZORA: Hragh!
Fine... fine!
You wanna mess with other people's weapons?
I can mess with other people's weapons!
[She picks up the sword and it begins to glow orange...]
Hey... hey, that's an epithet glow!
You're cheatin'!
She's cheatin'! We win!
Not if you're DEAD!
(disintegration)
...Oh.
THAT WILL KILL US.
Yup!
RAMSEY: I wish I could remember my stupid epithet!
Wait... I wrote that paper!
Oh, where is it!?
There!
Wow, really? That's a pretty good power!
HYAH!
Geez, calm down!
Why don't you just, I dunno...
un-break your time gun?
ZORA: I can't DO that!
Because once a process has ended, I can't reverse it!
So once I hit the ground, I can't float back up!
And once some jackhole breaks my gun,
it's BROKEN FOREVER!!!
RAMSEY: Percy! Unlock the cuffs, dammit! She's gonna kill us!
PERCY: She's too fast!
In the time it would take to unlock them, she'd be on us!
Don't worry, I'll cover you!
Unlock your end, and once it's off
build as many of those zappy towers as you can!
But... with my current stamina
even two or three would be enough to knock me out!
That's fine!
If this doesn't work we're dead anyways!
Just trust me, I can do this!
...very well!
[She starts to unlock her cuff...]
[Zora closes in on her!
She aims for the heart!]
Oh, this is such a bad idea!
PLEASE WORK!!!
(SWING!)
(Ramsey screams)
Ramsey!
Well...
Not what I was aimin' for, but that's fine...
Nice knowin' ya, Ramsey.
In a few seconds you'll be dust!
[Ramsey's arm and disembodied hand
begin rapidly aging from the wound outwards...
...but before it goes any further,
They both turn to solid gold!
It spreads! And Ramsey's full body turns into a
solid gold statue!]
No!
She's turned him to GOLD!!!
Wait, what?
Oh, look! It worked!
What?
(scuffling)
What? You think I can't age you just 'cause you're metal?
Well you're WRONG!
(dials ticking)
...c'mon, what is this!?
Quick lesson from a professional appraiser:
Pure gold never corrodes!
But it does make for a pretty good conductor...
Idn't that right, Percy?!
Fire.
Aw shi...
(Zora screaming)
(bleh!)
(panting) ...hey.
Hey, Percy! You alright?!
Here...
(supping upon pinéd cone)
D-did it work?
(Zora sighs)
You idiots...
You think that was me "usin' my epithet"!?
You ain't even seen a
tenth of what I can do!
(deep sigh)
...but.
...I lost.
I coulda beat you...
...but I broke the rules.
The ones I set myself.
So I'm gonna call this one a draw.
You keep Ramsey...
I keep the necklace.
But you'd better watch yourself, Murdoch.
I'll be comin' for ya.
When you least expect it...
BUGSY: Epithet Erased!
CAR CRASH: So, uh... When can we go home?
GIOVANNI: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Don't let them hear you!
AH! Someone's coming...
PERCY: I heard from Howie.
It seems both he and that Banzai Vice Principal
reverted back to their original ages.
With so many Banzai Blasters wrangled up its
hard not to call this a victory.
...Still.
It's unfortunate we couldn't retrieve the Arsene Amulet.
RAMSEY: Actually, I have some good news about that!
Ta-da~! Here you go!
The genuine article!
How?
I swapped it with a duplicate when I
had her in that bear hug.
They call it "fool's gold" for a reason!
Wait a tick...
Wasn't the gem on this green before?
Aw...
SONUVA BITC-
Can't really blame her for not noticing, though.
I am a master of forging valuables.
Oh! That reminds me!
(CUFF'D)
Eh?
Ramsey Murdoch? You're under arrest.
Ah! I think you're confused!
Zora stole it... and I gave it back!
I'm the good guy!
Yes... today.
But you're also the man who swindled a
half-dozen companies out of their savings...
...to the tune of about twenty-five million dollars?
I, uh... Thought you didn't recognize me.
I didn't. Until I saw your epithet.
I remember you from a police lineup a few years back.
A man came in to report a case of
Golden Buttocks.
Ah, yeah. Operation Mid-Ass.
You're infamous for trading large quantities of gold
in exchange for company stocks and bonds.
Then, days later, your business partners find their "gold"
has transformed back into dirt.
...or worse.
So that's it?
I save your life, and you put me away for life?
Ooh, some folks got a heart 'a gold, but you, lady?
You got a heart of cold!
Now, now.
Don't think I don't appreciate your help today.
Your crimes are... quite serious.
But!
None of this would've been possible without your help.
And... if you'd be willing to put your
appraisal skills to use on our side of the law,
I'm sure we could negotiate a very
comfortable cell for you indeed.
...Yeah.
...Yeah, alright!
That doesn't sound too bad.
Better than pine cones, anyways.
Hmm~
(clicks tongue)
(TV flickers to life)
DISTORTED VOICE: So...
...How did it go?
...is he dead?
Poke 'im with a stick!
(nervous Molly squidgling)
(GASP!)
(Girls screaming)
(ALL SCREAMING!)