PERCY: Thank you for taking the time to speak with me Ms. Blyndeff
MOLLY: Oh, it's no problem detective!
You did rescue me from those Banzai Blasters, after all.
And "Molly"'s fine!
Very well...
Please.
Call me "Percy".
Okay...
Would you like some tea, Percy?
[She holds up a toy teapot.]
Yes. Thank you.
I was actually hoping I might ask you some
questions about that night.
Sure! If you think I can help!
[She pours Detective Percy a cup of
steaming Earl Grey from the toy kettle.]
PERCY: ah.
I was expecting the
make-believe tea customary of play time.
(hard-boiled) I don't have time to play around, Detective.
What a coincidence...
(hard-boiled) Neither do I.
Let me bring you up to speed.
Currently 7 Banzai Blasters from the museum are
still at large...
As well as the amulet that they stole.
I've been assigned to hunt them down
Unfortunately the group's disorganization and
general rapscallyhood makes them difficult to track.
I was hoping that you, as their hostage,
might be able to give some insight on them,
such as their names, or
preferred extracurricular activies.
Oh! Um...
(nervously) I'll... see what I can remember!
Thank you, Molly!
Your testimony could prove vital!
I cannot emphasize enough how
dangerous these criminals are.
Who's to say what devious doings they are committing...?
Even now.
(dial tone ringing)
C'mon...
Pickup, pickup!
MAN: Hello? Who is this?
How did you get this number?
Uhh... are you Ramsey Murdoch?
...Speaking.
Uh!
Hi! :)
Uh...
I'm Giovanni Potage. I'm uh-
(clears throat)
I'm with the Banzai Blasters?
Uh huh.
Uh... it says in our manual that
that you're the guy we call if we want something appraised?
Well... I have been told I have an...
eye for these things.
(doesn't get it) Okay, cool...
So! I have this necklace-
SMOKEY VOICE: GIOVANNI! WHO ARE YA TALKING TO?
NO ONE, MOM!!!
(sigh) I think it's called like the... the...
"Arsenic Amulet" or something?
The Arsene Amulet?
Maybe? It like...
Has a jewel on it?
Looks like a cat!
Really?
Now that IS interesting...
Alright. You've got my attention. Let's-
(shattering noise)
Aw crap...
Listen, kid! I can't talk over the phone!
Oh, me neither! Heh, moms, right?
...what?
What?
Listen. I got a little
hideaway in a town up north called
Redwood Run.
Ever hear of it?
Uh... no?
Exactly.
Meet me there in two day's time.
I'll be in the house with a metal roof. Got it?
Redwood Run. Metal roof. Got it!
Good.
(phone hangs up)
HEY. MOM!
CAN I BORROW THE CAR ON WEDNESDAY!?
GIOMOMMY: WHADDAYA NEED IT FOR!?
CRIME THINGS!!!
GIOMOMMY: UHH...
NO!
WEDNESDAY IS YOGA NIGHT!!!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
(Title Theme plays) ♪
WAKE UP!
You've got a lot to do today ♪
Feel proud and wipe your eyes, 'cause hey ♪
Stifle the yawn, You stayed up 'til dawn ♪
Let's see what you been workin' on ♪
IT'S GONE Keep in mind ♪
The DEADLINE is closing in ♪
Your byline, the headline, They're in the bin ♪
Uncompleted, all deleted ♪
WHAT'S GOING ON!? You'll have to crunch ♪
And work til' dawn til' you die! ♪
Cut out the corners, cross the Ts, and dot the Is ♪
Whip out the white-out but keep it in good taste ♪
Just so that no one will ♪
Ever know it's defaced ♪
Epithet Erased ♪
PERCY: Episode 5: Redwood Run
GIOVANNI: And then I was like, uh,
"Drinking wine with your gal pals
isn't 'Yoga Night' just because you're
sitting on floor mats, mom!
The only reason Debbie calls it that is so that
no one points out that it's enabling her little problem."
Pbbth... "Yoga Night".
Wow...
I wish I was brave enough to
talk smack about moms.
You'll get there one day, Car Crash.
Duuuude! Don't call me by my Banzai Name!
When we're off the job it's Fred, alright?!
Pbbfft, yeah okay Fred.
See you in a couple hours.
Okay man, see you later!
Have fun alone in the middle of the woods!
(car stalls)
No...
No, no, no, no, no,
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!
(the inevitable)
Aw... maaaan!
GIOVANNI: Wooow...
What a dump.
What are all these Banzai Blasters doing here?
I guess that guy did say this was his hideout...
Must be an EVIL town!
Haha! Rad!
Okay! Uh, uh...
Metal roof... metal roof...
metal roooof-
Ah! There it is!
Wait a minute!
This is a police station!
Is this a SETUP!?
Hmmm...
Nobody sets up Giovanni Potage!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-
YAH!!!
SHERIFF: Oh, hi!
Can I help you?
Uh... yeah. I'm, uh...
I'm Giovanni!
I'm 'sposed to be meetin' someone here for...
crime things.
Oh! Heh, you must mean the prisoner!
Heh, he's right over here in our
first and only cell!
Ope! Can't miss it!
[He goes back to spinnin' his gun!]
Pshoo... brrrop!
Pew pew!
Hey, uh... are you-
...are you Ramsey Murdoch?
I am he.
(Giovanni screams)
Ah, your face...
Yeah, alright then.
I appraise you to be a jerk.
Er, s-sorry, it's just...
The eye, right?
[Ramsey points to his right eye,
which is made entirely of gold.
It woogles uncomfortably in its socket.]
Ewww...
Hehe! Yeah.
You should see the tricks I do at parties...
You the kid who called about the amulet?
Yeah, what happened?!
How'd you get caught?!
"Caught"?
Naaaah, kid!
I turned myself in!
Dbdhfdwhaaat!?
You can't give up!
You didn't tell me my necklace was worth money yet!
I ain't givin' up!
It's like this:
I got a lotta enemies, right?
And right now there's some bounty hunters after my head
for forgery and embezzlement.
One real nasty lady in paticular...
But! She can't turn me over to the authorities
if I'm already in jail!
Hehe, pretty smart, eh?
Besides, this place is great!
Watch this.
'Ey! Sheriff, buddy!
Do me a solid. Top me off, would'ja?
Oh! Uh, sure thing, friendo!
I'll go outside and get'cha a fresh one!
Wouldn't want my favorite prisoner gettin' thirsty!
(panting)
See? It's like a vacation.
The guy's a loon.
He only got appointed sheriff
'cause he's got an epithet.
Same as it ever was.
Anyways! You got an amulet to show me?
Oh! Right! Uh...
I swiped this thing from the Sweet Jazz Museum!
It lets you steal other people's epithets!
...or something!
(Ramsey whistles) Yeah,
that's the Arsene Amulet, alright.
Hand it over...
[He clutches it against his chest,
eying the gerbil man...]
How do I know you're not just gonna STEAL IT!
Pfft, kid, c'mon. Are you kidding?
Do you not know who I am?
Uh... the blurb in the manual was... pretty small, and
I just kinda skimmed it, so...
[Ramsey holds up the pine cone,
and slowly...
it begins to change.
A brilliant, golden yellow color begins to spread from the
tips of his fingers,
as the wood of the pine cone transmutes.
In seconds, it's transformed
into solid gold.
I don't need money, kid.
I literally just made this worth my time.
(sparkling sounds)
It's a...
public service I engage in.
I do this out of the goodness of my heart,
'cause I don't want saps like you
gettin' conned out of all their hard work!
Hm...
OK!
Thank you. :3
[Ramsey eyes it up and down with his
Gross Rat Face™.]
Well... wouldja look at that?
It's the real deal, alright.
GIOVANNI: Soooo...? How much?
RAMSEY: Eh, it's hard to say...
The make alone is pretty nice...
'Bout 60 years old- Eh, 65, give or take.
'Prolly worth at least a few thousand bucks.
But when you throw in the fact that you can steal
any epithet you want with this baby?
I can think of more than a few people who'd wanna
get their hands on this thing.
You find the right mundie businessman who
wants a superpower?
And it's worth millions.
SERIOUSLY!?
Oh man! Awesome! Hahaha!
The higher-ups will definitely promote me for this!
They might even make me a Banzai Valedictorian!
That's like... the third-highest rank!
Your system is confusing!
But, um...
You sure you wanna hand this over to the Banzai Blasters?
Those guys don't exactly pay well.
I mean, Bliss Ocean would probably give you at least
twice as much for it!
Those mundie terrorist guys?
No way! They're scary...
Hey, I'm not sayin' they're good guys.
...but it IS good pay.
It's not about the money...
It's about the STREET CRED!
I wanna be the biggest villain of all time!
And if I get promoted in the Banzai Blasters,
That means I get to keep all my current minions
when I make it BIG!!!
I can't just leave them behind!
They're hopeless without their
BRILLIANT LEADER!
I guess I can respect that.
Alright.
Best of luck, kid!
Thanks, mister!
I'm gonna go turn this in to the big boss!
...whoever that is!
Ah, he's a good kid.
Too bad he's gonna get screwed.
SHERIFF: Okay, bye! Huhuh!
Good luck at crimes!
RAMSEY: 'Eyy, Epithet Erased!
PERCY: Epithet Erased.
(smooth music) ♪
SEXY RADIO VOICE: Attention all units, Attention
Looking for a patrol in the vacinity of Redwood Run, over.
unit 375 reporting in, over.
RADIO: Heya, Percy.
We just got a call from the insurance company.
Sounds like the Donaldson kid crashed his car again.
Oh my. That makes...
Five times this month.
Meryl owes me a dollar.
Yeah, that kid should not be driving..
Anyways! The towing place blacklisted him
so they're not gonna pick him up anymore.
Can you head over there and...
Give him a lift home~?
Of course. I'm on my way.
RADIO: Roger that!
Stay frosty, Perce~
Ca-click~
CAR CRASH: Oh, thank goodness...
Hey officer, I-
AH! YOU! IT'S THE FUZZ!!!
Yes hello. It is me, Miss Fuzz.
Greetings, citizen.
You appear to be in an automotive pickle.
Are you injured?
UHH. UHHHHHH.
It appears you may be in shock.
Allow me to assist.
[Percy reaches out her hand and
focuses on the ground.
Some nearby stones wriggle and converge,
forming a small foundation.
Then, suddenly a tiny mushroom-like hut
springs up from the ground and begins to emit
a faint, pleasant aura.
Please, bask in the glow of my hut.
My epithet allows me to construct small buildings that
provide aid to those nearby.
This apothecary will mend any
physical wounds you may have sustained.
...not mental wounds, though.
It is not a substitute for a licensed psychotherapist.
CAR CRASH: Uh... t-thanks.
PERCY: As for your car...
My expertise is primarily architectural, but...
I might be able to do some quick repairs
to get it up and... running...
Citizen.
I... don't mean to alarm you...
But I believe I may have just spotted...
...a Banzai Blaster.
CAR CRASH: (nervously) Banzai Blaster, huh?!
Out here in the woods?!
(nervous laughter) That's crazy!
I'm going to investigate.
I suggest you stay in your car,
and if anyone dangerous approaches,
disguise yourself as a humble crash test dummy
in its natural. Habitat.
Uh... okay!
Phew... that was close...
If I'd had my uniform on I would of been...
(Whistling "Great at Crime" ♪)
Huh?
...Who is that?
(Whistling fades out... ♪)
GIOVANNI: (Air guitar noises)
(loser sounds)
Oof!
BUGSY: Well, well, well...
What have we here, Arnold?
Hard to tell, Bugsy.
But if I had to guess,
I'd say he looks like a little old Banzai Captain.
(chuckles)
A captain, huh?
That can't be right!
What would a lowly Captain be doing with something like that?
I dunno, Bugsy!
But that necklace is WAY out of his league.
We'd better do him a favor,
and take it off his hands!
Just to be safe...
(snorting laughter)
Hahaha no.
Who are you clowns?
If my RAW PRESENCE is enough to tell you that I'm a
Banzai Captain
you should be smart enough to know not to pick a fight!
I'd CLOBBER YOU!
(baby voice) Aww, listen to that!
He thinks we're scared of a widdle Captain~!
He's acting like he thinks hes' a
Banzai Associate Justice!
Ain't that funny?
(both laugh)
Wait a minute...
Those uniforms!
You're Banzai Blasters!?
Oh, we're not just BLASTERS.
We're Banzai Vice Principals!
VICE PRINCIPALS!?!
But that's-
That's right!
The rank ABOVE Captain!
Yeah, this ranking system IS confusing...
BUGSY: That makes us your superior officers!
ARNOLD: Which means you have to do what we say.
And I say
You give us that necklace!
But...
This is my ticket to promotion!
You can't just take a minion's hard work!
"Can't"? Whatever are you talking about?
Your hard work is all for us!
After all...
Minions are just tools.
GASP!!!
You shut your jowls!
Minions are the heart and soul of VILLAINY!
A bad guy is only as good as his underlings!
It doesn't matter what his rank is!
Oh yeah?
Then why don't you prove it?
Show us your minions!
Uhh... I would! But...
They! Aren't... here! So, uh...
(nervous laughter)
Aww! Too bad.
I guess that makes us the better villains!
(snap) GET HIIIIM!
(Giovanni getting pummeled)
(Oh geez...)
ARNOLD: Epithet Erased!
BUGSY: Epithet Erased.
(punch, Giovanni yelps)
Ow...
Hey, hey~!
That amulet looks pretty good on you, Bugsy!
Well, thank you!
I'm sure it'll look even better
once we hand it to the boss
and he gives us a nice big promotion!
(hearty evil guffaws)
You! You're not real bad guys!
You're just jerks!
(sniveling) How can you be so selfish?!
ARNOLD: Villainy is a dog-eat-dog world, little boy.
You gotta be cuthroat to survive!
That's why every moron stays a minion,
and the people with any REAL value move up!
That's how it is all the way to the
Tippy-top of the pyramid scheme!
Oh yeah!?
Well, if that's really what the Banzai Blasters think...
Then who needs 'em!?
Screw you guys!
I'll become a great villain on my own!
Then you'll see!
Harumph!
This is the part where I'd storm off!
But my ride won't be here...
For a couple of hours!
So I guess I'll go to the bar!!!
(Banzai Blasters laugh)
PERCY: Oh... dear.
What malaise has befallen this town?
Criminals perched upon every stoop...
And these buildings appear to contain more termites than wood.
Hm.
Impressive, in its own way.
[Percy cocks her sword.]
PERCY: Listen well, you reprobates!
I am an officer of the law,
and as such I request that you quietly
and respectfully form a single-file line
and march straight off to jail!
Huhuh, alright.
Listen, Mr. Police officer-
Miss.
Oh!
O-oh my gosh, I'm
SO sorry!
It's quite alright!
Continue with your threat.
Oh, thank you. Um. Sorry.
Listen, Ms. Police Officer!
You're way outnumbered here.
Numbers are not decisive in battle.
One must also consider defenses.
As such, I shall construct a Wizard Tower!
(electrical charging)
Fire!
DFhffhwgwghs!!!
Ugh!
H-Hey!
C'mon, guys!
She can't take us all at once!
(wimpy battle cries)
(thundercrack!)
Ah, now this is livin'!
[He takes a sip out of his pine cone.
...or, tries to anyways.]
(ominous whistling)
No...
???: Yes~!
Heya, Ramsey. How ya doin'?
Zora!
How did you find me so fast!?
C'mon, buddy!
You ain't exactly hard to track with that
golden eye and gerbil face.
RAMSEY: Well too bad for you!
As you can see, I have already been captured!
I'm afraid that bounty is as good as gone!
ZORA: Oh, Ramsey...
You and I both know this ain't a REAL prison...
(GUNSHOT)
RAMSEY: [Ramsey's body instinctively
turns to gold wherever she's aiming!]
ZORA: [She wiggles her pistol and
watches the gold spot dance around his figure.]
Ooh! Look at that!
That's fun, I can draw a smiley face!
(gun cocks)
(Sigh...)
Calm down, scaredy cat.
It's your lucky day!
I just got a call from my boss!
Got me a new job, which means
my hunt for you is currently on hold.
You're safe!
...for now.
I'm here on friendly terms, so,
how 'bout you be a friend and tell me all about that
kid with the necklace, huh?
He and I need to have a little chat...
(unhelpfully) Ya just missed him.
Tch. Shoot.
Well... that's fine.
Huntin' ain't no fun 'less there's a chase involved.
So tell y'what!
I'mma do you a favor!
You get a nice head start and go 'n hide some place.
Door's open for ya!
You're a free man!
...for now.
But once I find that necklace...
I'm comin' for ya.
Of course, you can always stay here!
If you think this prison cell'll keep you safe.
[She grabs one of the rusty old window bars and
rips it off.
It crumbles to dust in her hand...]
Maybe the sheriff can protect you~?
SHERIFF: Oh, I'll try, buddy!
Pew, pew! Pew! P-
(GUNSHOT)
Whoops, heh!
Looks like the safety was off!
Huhuh!
Pew pew! Pew, pew!
See ya soon, Ramsey!
Bye!
I gotta get outta here!
PERCY: Is everyone alright in there?
I thought I heard gunfire!
My!
This looks like some sort of
ramshackle approximation of a police station!
How quaint!
Perhaps the criminals are working to reform
their own habits in their free time!
Very admirable!
[She flashes her badge]
Detective Percival King, Sweet Jazz Police.
Who's in charge here?
Oh! That would be, uh...
Me!
I'm Gorou! Uh...
Sheriff Gorou, of um...
[He looks at his badge]
Redwood Run!
Sheriff, are you aware that several criminals are
openly galavanting about your town?
Oh yeah.
And why have you not made any move
to arrest them?
Oh, I would, but
our prison is full! Heh!
Look!
Hi. :3
I arrested him
all by myself!
Very impressive.
I was wondering if I could
use your phone to call for
reinforcements?
Oh we don't have a "phone".
I don't understand.
If you have no phone, then how do citizens
alert you to nefarious goings-on?
Uh...
They shout!
Hmm...
I'd hoped to call for backup to deal
with the large number of criminals on our hands...
I lost quite a bit of stamina just in
dealing with that crowd outside.
I don't suppose you have an epithet?
Oh! oh yeah!
I'm the only one in town who does!
I can blow REALLY hard!
Eh. There's probably a joke there.
Watch!
(pathetic blowing)
(asthmatic blowing)
(wind rustling)
Oh! My donut!
I... see.
Well. Perhaps I should search elsewhere for backup.
Someone in this town must have a mobile...
RAMSEY: Uh hey, wait wait wait wait! Miss!
You said you dealt with ALL of those guys outside, right?
PERCY: I'm not at liberty to disclose that information to a convict.
RAMSEY: Your cop is showing.
Oh! E-Excuse me.
Thinking like that's not gonna get you ANYWHERE in this town!
Drop the cop, it's time for crimmmmm
-minal thinking!
It was better in my head.
What are you saying?
RAMSEY: To catch a criminal,
You gotta THINK like a criminal!
And I just so happens to be one!
You let me outta here,
and I'll help you catch a dozen bad guys
for the price... of one.
Whaddaya say?
A veritable Trolley Problem of justice...
The mind of a criminal is...
a dangerous place.
And one that is quite foreign to me.
Your knowledge could prove invaluable.
Yeah, yeah!
You let me outta here
and keep me protected from...
any dangerous folks we might run into
And I help you catch the bad guys!
Seems like a fair trade to me!
Hm.
Very well. Let us away.
RAMSEY: Great!
You uh...Y'wanna cuff me first,
or we just freeballin' here?
PERCY: Do you have an epithet?
(clearly lying) Eh... Nah! NAH!
Mundie, born 'n bred!
PERCY: Well in that case there's no need.
I should be able to manage you just fine.
RAMSEY: Wow. Way to make a guy feel powerless!
PERCY: Well, in a literal sense, you are.
RAMSEY: Ooooh~, two for two from the boys in blue, alright.
GOROU: Oh, wait! Hang on!
Before you guys go, take this with ya!
Ah. Some extra firepower for our investigation, I take it?
Oh, oh no!
I just give guns to
everyone who visits the police station!
After all, (chuckles) what's a sheriff for?
...Solving crimes.
Really? Heh.
Uh oh.
GOROU: Epithet!
...Oh! Erased!
ZORA: Epithet Erased! Yeehaw!
(Sad cowboy music ♪)
Howdy Mornin', fella!
What'll it be?
Ugh... y'know what?
Gimme somethin' hard.
Comin' right up, ma'am!
(bottles rattling)
Thanks.
(Sigh...)
God, look at me...
I'm turning into Debbie.
(CRUNCH)
PERCY: Ah, the tavern.
A classic gathering place of scalawags and ne'er-do-wells.
This partnership is already proving fruitful!
RAMSEY: Uh, yeah, sure.
Say let's get somethin' to drink!
All I've had today is pine cones...
'Ey! Barkeep! Shirley Temple, wouldja?
This place is just crawling with scoundrels...
Hmm...
(Gasp!) Just the man I've been looking for!
Excellent work, partner!
RAMSEY: Huh? What?
You there, at the bar!
Sweet Jazz Police!
I hereby place you under arrest
for the theft of the Arsene Amulet!
Police Lady!?
POLICE LADY!?!
(gun cocking)
(gun cocking!)
(shotgun cocking)
Meow!
(Cowboy outro theme plays ♪)
ZORA: At the stroke of sundown, there's a shadow in the wood ♪
Not sure what she's up to, But you know it ain't no good! ♪
She's a demon, she's a devil, She's a rough-and-tumble rebel ♪
Yeah she's far beyond your level and she's watchin' you... ♪
(Humming) ♪
In the gloamy orange light ♪
You won't live to see the night! ♪
In the woods you hear a whisper Could it be the phantom drifter? ♪
There's a chance you went and missed her ♪
Just don't turn around! ♪
In a flash she's there behind you ♪
Out of sight and out of mind and now ♪
No one will ever find you Buried six feet down... ♪