Um. Excuse me? Miss Tour Guide?
Sorry, but... what did you mean when you said:
"Rob this museum?"
Aren't you security guards?
Isn't that the opposite of your job?
We're not security guards, little girl.
That's just our cover.
Ohh...
That explains why your tour was so bad.
Wh- no!
It's not that I'm bad at tours!
There was just no reason to try!
He was trying.
See! I told you! The kids can tell the difference!
I give him four stars.
(Gasp!) Four stars, Lady Mera!
That's pretty good! That's downright commendable!
See what happens when you engage?
You should be more engaging!
We don't NEED to be engaging, Indus.
There's only three things we're going to do...
Sneak into the museum, find the amulet...
And take your epithet.
(♪Title theme plays♪)
WAKE UP! ♪
You've got a lot to do today ♪
Feel proud and wipe your eyes, 'cause hey! ♪
Stifle the yawn, stayed up 'til dawn, ♪
Let's see what you been workin' on... ♪
IT'S GONE! ♪
Keep in mind the DEADLINE is closing in. ♪
Your byline, the headline, they're in the bin ♪
Uncompleted... ♪
All deleted! ♪
WHAT'S GOING ON!? ♪
You'll have to crunch and work 'til dawn 'til you die! ♪
Cut out the corners, cross the Ts and dot the Is! ♪
Whip out the white-out But keep it in good taste! ♪
Just so that no one will ever know it's defaced! ♪
Epithet Erased! ♪
GIOVANNI: Episode 2! Bear Trap!
(melodramatic sad music)
GIOVANNI: (crying) Spike... Crusher... Dark Star!
My boys! My beautiful boys! She beat them all up!
(pathetic crying)
I'm surprised you're still conscious.
Our duel tech is usually enough
to take mooks like you down in one blow. Congrats!
Indus. Take our intruders into the dinosaur exhibit.
And make sure they stay there.
Ooh! The dinosaur exhibit is my FAVORITE!
That is the exhibit with DINOSAURS in it!
Right away, Lady Mera!
Wait a moment...
Lady Mera! If I am guarding them...
Who will PROTECT YOU!?
(scoffs) From these guys?
Please. I wiped their entire squad out with a wave of my hand.
They're kittens~
How DARE you!?
We are DANGEROUS CRIMINALS!
(Sarcastically) Oh, I'm sorry!
What's the most dangerous thing you guys have done?
Loiter outside the mini-mall? Shoplift some bubblegum?
Loitering is a perfectly respectable crime
that can be VERY dangerous!
(Laughing) H-how? No it can't, how?
You could do it in front of a truck?
(jailhouse harmonica playing ♪) (Giovanni moans in pain)
There! That should hold you!
Enjoy your time in prison!
I'm going to learn about dinosaurs! (giggles)
Aw, man! My first mission in charge and I end up
captured on top of a pile of my own unconscious minions!
This sucks.
Hey, tall guy!
You could've at least trapped us inside the dinosaur bones,
Like how I requested to be buried in my will!
Yeah, no big deal, but I wrote my last will and testament
because I live my life in constant danger.
I wrote my last will and testament because life is
fleeting and you never know when you or a loved one will die
Ugh. You're kind of a bummer. Anyone ever tell you that?
Yeah...
Oh.
So tall...
If my neck were that long I could see Lady Mera from anywhere!
We could never get lost!
What tall secrets do you know, Mister...?
MUSEUM PLACARD: Apatosaurus!
INDUS: Apatosaurus...
(longing sigh)
I wish I were a dinosaur.
GIOVANNI: Psst! Hey! Kid! Quick!
Let's get out of here while that big guy's distracted by the
majesty of dinosaurs!
MOLLY: Huh?
You heard that lady with the weird eyes!
Once she finds that amulet thing
she's gonna steal your epithet! And maybe mine too!
We gotta get outta here!
MOLLY: I guess so...
GIOVANNI: What do you mean 'you guess so'?
I dunno...
Being a mundie wouldn't be so bad...
I could still run the store...
Lots of people don't have epithets and they do okay.
And it sounds like she really wants it, so-
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE WANTS IT"!?
What's wrong with you!?
You can't just give up your cool powers!
My powers aren't that cool though...
Uh, they managed to negate a swing from my
Soul Slugger Doom Bat of Maximum Destruction!
That's a pretty big deal!
Had I hit that lady at my FULL power?
Oh, I woulda CLOBBERED her!
...Maybe?
I've got this feeling that she's actually really strong.
Same with that guy over there.
Their proficiency is really high.
Uh, well... yeah!
It'd have to be to defeat all my minions!
Um... I dunno?
They were kind of... bad?
HEY! Don't you talk about my boys that way!
They're trying THEIR BEST!
...but you have a point.
I don't know if I can beat that lady now that I'm boy-less..
...hey! I know!
YOU can be my new boy!
Huh?
Congratulations, little girl!
You have officially been promoted to BOY!
MINION BOY!!!
Huh???
But first you need a cool minion nickname.
Quick! What's your name?
I thought it was "Minion Boy".
Nooo... your NORMAL name!
Uh... Molly?
Ugh! Gross! You sound like a sweater!
I can't have a minion named Molly.
Let's see... you're quiet... and you wear a bear hoodie...
I like bears. :3
Hm...
I'VE GOT IT!!!
Your minion name shall be...
Bear Trap.
Okay.
Now, Bear Trap!
As minion, it's your job to think of a way out of this and
do all the work.
As your manager I will wait here
and take credit for your success and berate you if needed
Oh, so it's like working in retail!
Yeah, you got it!
Okay, I can do that! Uh...
Okay! I think I have an idea.
Hello? Mr. Barrier?
Hm? Oh! Hostages!
Are you enjoying your imprisonment?
Can I get you anything? Some water? More barriers?
Actually, I had a question.
That woman is your boss, right?
She is my master!
Years ago Lady Mera bested me in an honorable duel...
Ever since I have followed her teachings, so that I may
become strong like her!
She has taught me many important training exercises,
such as "Training Laundry" and "Training Doing Her Taxes".
Oh, I do my family's taxes too.
Yes! I have not yet mastered the taxes...
Heh! Me neither!
I have so many return statements to file...
Hah! Yeah! Uh... Grown-up words, am I right!?
We're all dudes here!
In return for Lady Mera's teachings, I act as her
most trusted bodyguard and right-hand man!
Okay, so, your job is to protect her, right?
Yes!
Well, Mr. Giovanni attacked her earlier.
Yes!
But, I stopped her from taking
any damage with my epithet.
Yes!
So I saved your master for you!
That means you owe me a favor!
That makes sense!
I was thinking maybe... let us out of this prison?
Hm... I don't know...
Lady Mera did give me explicit orders to do the exact opposite of that...
I wouldn't want to upset her!
(meekly) Oh that's fair, sorry to bother you...
What?! No! You almost had him!
Alright, listen!
You wanna protect that lady, right?
More than anything!
Well... you'd better go back there right now
before the REALLY dangerous thing gets her!
(Gasp!) Oh no!
What is this really dangerous thing!?
Uh... uh...
Quicksand?
No! It's minions!
Lots and lots of minions!
He has way more minions than the ones you just saw!
Yeah, I've got like ten-
-HUNDRED!
Ten hundred minions!
Goodness, that IS a large amount!
I don't know if Lady Mera could handle that many minions on her own...
MOLLY: You should go help her.
AFTER letting us out!
After all, we just gave you that hot minion tip for free!
So now you owe us two favors!
And two favors is worth more than one order!
So you need to let us out!
Yeah! That's the rules.
Hm... I... guess that makes sense...
Alright!
[He lowers the barrier a bit and
lifts the two of them by their collars like baby kittens.]
There! You are free, and my debt is repaid!
Stay here and don't cause any trouble!
I'M COMING LADY MERA!!!
MOLLY: I don't feel good about lying to him like that...
(Giovanni laughs)
Oh, silly Bear Trap...
You don't need to feel bad about lying anymore!
That's one of the perks of being a bad guy!
Oh! Okay!
(clearly lying) Can I borrow your cell phone? I wanna order a... pizza.
Oh, yeah! Pizza sounds great!
Thanks! Hi, Police?
PHONE: Hello, this is Police.
WHAT!? No, stop that!
We're not calling the police!
I'm a criminal and you're one of my minions!
They'd arrest us on the spot!
But... I haven't done anything bad yet.
Uh you just broke out of prison!
(Gasp!) You're right!
I'm a monster...
This mask has become my face.
No, the best thing we can do now is swipe that amulet from right under their noses.
If they want it, that means it's probably worth a lot of money!
I bet stealing something like that would get me some kind of raise!
Ooh! Maybe even a promotion... to the next Banzai Rank!
It's nice to have the option of upward mobility in your company.
Yeah! Those are... words!
C'mon! We need to establish a secret base!
Once we have a base, we can come up with a plan!
Once we have a plan, we can swoop in,
rescue my boys, and GRAB THAT AMULET!
[He touches his hand to the barrier... and
looks longingly at his pile of boys,
like a maiden looking out to sea.
(hushed whisper) Wait for me, my boys.
I shall return for you.
Why don't we just take them with us?
Heavy...
You right.
GIOVANNI: Epithet Erased...
INDUS: Epithet ERASED! We're back, Lady Mera!
(Mera grunts as she digs through boxes...)
Come on, come on! Where is it?!
(pained grimace)
I keep banging myself against these STUPID BOXES.
Should've hired some extra muscle.
Well, extra extra muscle. Indus was free.
INDUS: LADY MERA!
Oh, perfect timing!
LADY MERA! Are you unharmed!?
Not exactly...
I've broken so many nails.
...and a toe, I think.
Wait, where are the intruders?
Oh! I freed them!
I'm sorry, what?
I owed them a favor and it was the honorable thing to do!
...Oh, hahaha. Okay, I get it.
That little girl must have used her Dumb epithet to make you
STUPID enough to ignore my orders and let them go!
Nope! I'm just like that.
Indus!
If I wanted something big and brainless
to help me move boxes,
I would've hired a forklift!
Don't be silly, Lady Mera!
(darkly) Forklifts have no honor.
I don't care about honor, Indus!
"Honor" my probably-broken foot!
Now we've got who knows how many thieves wandering around
looking for the amulet!
Ten-hundred, I hear!
We're not even sure if it's even in the collection yet!
SNOOTY VOICE: Not here either, huh?
This is starting to feel like a waste of my time...
MERA: Tell me about it...
...Wait. Who said that?
Hmm! You must be one of the fabled Ten-Hundred Minions!
Stand aside, Lady Mera.
I'll handle him.
Excuse me-?
BACK, MINION!
In the name of my Lady...
you shall face my FIST!
HYAAAAAAH!
Did... Did I get him?
Nope.
(Indus snores)
Thank god, I was about ten seconds away from strangling him.
...And who are you supposed to be?
Another thief?
I take it you're referring to those Banzai Blasters
I saw knocked out near the entrance?
No... I have nothing to do with them.
I'm simply...an interested party.
Uh huh...
And what exactly are you "interested" in, kid?
The museum's been closed for hours-
I'M NOT A KID!!!
My NAME... Is Dr. Sylvester Ashling.
I'm a psychologist investigating how epithets interact with a
person's psyche.
I heard your lackey talking about the amulet
during your tour earlier,
and I was hoping to get a look at it myself.
Well... the exhibit's not open yet so
how about you go home and wait a few weeks like everyone else?
Waiting behind red tape is for the general public.
I figure there's no harm in getting an academic preview!
That's what you're doing after all. ...Isn't it?
Uh! R-right!
But as you can see, my assistant's abilities are a little lacking...
INDUS: (snoring) Barrier, barrier, barrier...
(fake innocent voice) With all these Banzai Blasters
running around, I don't know if I'll be able to keep the
amulet safe!
Of course... if I had someone more competent willing to
take care of them...
I'd be happy to let you take a peek at the amulet once I found it!
So... I apprehend these thieves,
and you give me some time to examine the amulet?
(patronizingly) Yes! That's right!
Oh! But they're pretty strong!
You might not be able to handle them, kid!
I-I told you before!
I'm not... a kid.
And trust me.
If I'm the one dealing with those thieves?
They'll be out cold before they have a chance to make
the same mistake!
(evil laughter)
(stupid clown laughter)
MERA: Epithet Erased!
MOLLY: We're back! Thanks for waiting!
GIOVANNI: Alright! Fort Cool Guy complete!
I feel like it's against the rules to take the bears
out of their homes like that...
Uh, this IS their home now!
And I told you! You don't need to worry about "rules" anymore.
Bear Trap. You're a bad guy now.
Plus, these guys are like... our guardians!
They're part of the Banzai Blasters too.
Then they need uniforms!
You are SO RIGHT.
[Molly takes a small sewing kit out of her backpack
and starts fashioning the grizzly bear a yellow bandana
with the letters "BB" on it.]
Ohh, you carry around a sewing kit too, huh?
Yeah. My dad breaks a lot of
stuff around the house so it's good to have supplies on hand.
Wait. You sew?
No!
I... knit.
So what? You wanna fight about it!?
No! I just...
didn't take you for the crafting type.
Of course! [He takes out a pair of knitting needles.]
I wield both the powers of creation... AND destruction!
[He flips the needles back and forth, between
Grandma Mode and Knife Mode. Like a ninja!]
(ninja noises)
Huh. ...Hey Giovanni?
Are you secretly nice?
WHAT?! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
Say that again and YOU'RE FIRED!!!
Don't tell the others, okay?
They wouldn't get it!
Only cool minions like you would understand!
[Giovanni throws together a black bandanna with red accents or the polar bear.]
Nice! They're officially part of the team!
And once you turn in your membership fee, you'll be an
official Banzai Blaster too!
Membership fee?
Yeah! Anyone can become a villain for the
low, low price of $49.99 a month!
...so there's no skill requirement to enlist?
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?
NOTHING! I JUST THOUGHT THAT
SEEMED LIKE A PRETTY LOFTY MEMBERSHIP FEE!
I KNOW RIGHT!? IT'S MORE THAN MY ENTIRE ALLOWANCE!
But it's not so bad!
If you get other people to join,
you get a cut of their monthly fee!
And if you recruit enough people you actually make money!
That sounds like a pyramid scheme.
Psh... yeah!
Of course it's a pyramid scheme!
They're scamming you! That's how you know it's
a legit bad guy group!
How do you know what a pyramid scheme is, anyways?
Aren't you like five?
I run a toy store, so I have to
know about common business practices.
You're five years old and you run a toy store?
That sounds pretty rough.
Yeah...
I mean I'm 12, but... yeah.
You uh... you wanna talk about it?
[Giovanni sits down in the fort and pats the spot on the bench next to him.]
Uhh...
C'mon, Bear Trap.
Sewing time is bonding time.
That's why they call it "close-knit".
Um... well...
My family runs a toy store.
My dad makes the toys. And my mom used to sell 'em.
But after she died...
Dad and my sister kind of just...
Ignored the situation?
But we still need to eat and no one was
doing anything, so... I guess I just kinda.. took over?
I thought it'd just be for a little while...
...but it's been almost two years now and things
still aren't normal again.
I still work at the store most nights because...
my dad and my sister are...
Um. "Busy".
I'm supposed to be there now, actually.
But... all this happened!
(sigh)
...I hope they don't get mad at me again.
You're kind of a pushover, aren't you Bear Trap?
...I'm sorry.
See!? That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You're doing all this stuff for your dumb family,
and you're okay with giving away your epithet because
"she might need it"?!
What is that crap!?
Like, it's nice to be nice or whatever, but you
can't just let people step on you!
You're just as important as everyone else is, Bear Trap!
...Really?
Yeah. You're my MINION now!
All my minions are important!
I can't have people stepping all over my minions when
I'm not around! You've gotta learn to
stand up for yourself! Got it!?
No!!!
How's that?
Hah! Nice try.
I'm your boss, so you have to listen to ME!
Not bad though! We'll work on it!
I want all my minions to be the best they can be,
so that when I finally become a supervillain,
We'll be the strongest bad guys in the world!
SYLVIE: So... I guess that makes you the Banzai Blasters then.
GIOVANNI: Who the heck is that? MOLLY: That boy from earlier...
You're trying to steal the Arsene Amulet. Isn't that right?
I don't go easy on CRIMINALS
who get in the way of my RESEARCH!
(Giovanni snickers)
Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?
Think you can stop us, kid!?
I'm NOT a--
(sigh) Why do I even bother?
[The boy raises his hand and a hush falls over the room...
A golden dust hangs in the air and begins to fall like pollen.]
What's this? Snow?
...Ew, why it it yellow!?
Wait...
(Gasp!) Giovanni, be careful!
That dust puts you to sleep!
Huh?
I bumped into that boy earlier.
Some of that dust rubbed off on me and I passed out.
I thought it was just like weird dandruff or something
but I think he's actually inscribed!
He must have some kind of sleep epithet!
Hah! A trick like that won't work against my
DEMON ENERGY AURA!
HraaaaAAAAGH!
[Steam rises off of Giovanni's body
as his soupy energy whirls around him and
hits its boiling point!
The updraft generates a whirlwind and
BLASTS the dust away in a rush of heat!]
He dispelled it?
I guess they're not just your average street punks
waving their epithets around.
(evil giggle)
Listen up, Bear Trap!
Now that we're a team I can let you in on all of my
secret techniques, including my special move.
Thirteen is my lucky number,
so every thirteen times I get a hit in,
I unleash a SUPER ATTACK!
Oh wow.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Is that... soup-related, or-?
Nope, I'm just awesome!
I've already got a hit saved up from attacking that lady before,
so all I have to do is land 12 hits on him!
...if he can even survive that long!
Counting Sheep!
[He waves his hand and a herd of sheep stampede
out of the aether with a chorus of "baa"s!
(menacing baas!)
MOLLY: Ah! Sheep!
GIOVANNI: Is that all you got?
This is a perfect opportunity to use my
LAVA GRENADE!
(explosion, sad baas)
GIOVANNI: Dangit! There's too many of them! Bear Trap, attack!
I-I... I don't have a weapon!
Oh! My bad!
Here! Take my standard-issue Banzai Blaster peashooter!
[He drops a gun in her hands.]
WH- N- I DON'T WANT THIS!!!
C'mon, we can take 'em! Get ready, Bear Trap!
[Giovanni brandishes his Soul Crusher Bat,
which is a regular bat with a knife taped to it!]
(baas of impending doom)
BOTH: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
AAAAaaaaaaaaahhhh...?
Oh! This isn't so bad!
Yeah! They just kinda... bump into you.
I have a friend who would love this, actually. It's so soft!
Aww, y'know? They're actually kinda cute!
(CHOMP)
Ah! They nibble!
They nibble HARD!
They're nibbling my suit!
Quit it! It took me hours to make this costume!
C'mon! 13, 13, 13, 13!
(baa of instant death)
(panting) Hah... yeah!
Oh there's still like a hundred of them though!
I don't know if I can take them all out before they nibble us to death!
I have an idea!
It looked like he summoned these, so maybe I can...
Shh... shh... Hushabye...
(baa)
MOLLY: [The sheep quiets down...
Closes its eyes, and grows smaller, and smaller...
until it slowly fades away... to nothing.
(stammer) W-what?! What did you just do?
H-how do you do that? How do you turn them off?
I dumbed it down to nothing!
I can do that with summoned stuff!
My sister has a summoning epithet and I have to
unmake her stuff before it destroys all the other stuff!
What!? Can you do that to people!?
I...!
...I don't know!
(baa!)
Bear Trap!
What happened... (yawns) I'm sleepy... again...
SYLVIE: HEY! MOLLY: Huh?
You should be more than groggy enough now.
How about we see what you're most afraid of?
Nightmare Fuel!
(fire wooshing and roaring)
MOLLY: (gasp) GIOVANNI: What the heck!?
Pyrophobia, huh? That'll do.
(Molly hyperventilating)
No... no, no no no no no no no NO!
Now, why don't the two of you just stay put
until the police arrive?
I'll keep that fire where it is,
so long as you don't try anything funny.
MOLLY: G... Giovanni...
Bear Trap?
[Molly clutches the hem of Giovanni's cape...
...and hides against his leg.
She's crying...]
(through tears) Help...
Hmph! I think I've had just about enough of you, guy!
You made my minion cry!
NOBODY makes my minions cry except ME!
I've never done this while carrying another
person before... but...
Don't worry, Bear Trap.
We still have two more minions left on our side.
You can't seriously be planning to sprint through that fire.
Not quite!
The steam Giovanni builds up around him BURSTS from his feet,
and he ROCKETS into the sky!
Landing on the two Banzai Bears atop Fort Cool Guy!
What the heck!?
Teleports behind you...
(panting) Only halfway, but that's still pretty good!
See Bear Trap? We're safe now.
Sgt. Bear and Corporal Other Bear are here to back us up.
(very tiny) Thank you...
Don't mention it. You're my minion now.
We take care of each other!
SYLVIE: You might find that difficult in a couple of seconds!
NIGHTMARE FUEL!
GIOVANNI: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!!!
SYLVIE: [Suddenly the footing beneath
Molly and Giovanni becomes unsteady...
An earthquake!? No!
The BEARS beneath them SPRING TO LIFE!
Sgt. Bear and Corporal Other Bear ROAR,
and begin to swing at their former comrades!
He's taken the only thing I love and turned it against me.
Sergeant Bear! Why!?
SGT. BEAR I should've been promoted to STAFF Sergeant Bear...
AAAAGES AGO!
I can try surpressing them with Hushabye, but not
for very long! They're much stronger than the sheep!
W-what do I do!?
Uh... uh... The sewing kit!
Oh yeah! I can throw the knitting needles at his eyes!
I was thinking more like hitting him with a ball of yarn?
Riiight... He's wearing glasses.
Much more traditional to just bean the nerd!
[Giovanni scrounges around and pulls out a big red
ball of yarn from his man purse!]
You seriously think you can beat me with a ball of yarn?
Not on my own!
But when I combine my strength with Bear Trap's,
Anything is possible!
GIOVANNI: Bap bap bap bap MOLLY: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
Sorry about this, Bear Trap. Standard minion procedure.
It's fine, I'm used to being taken advantage of.
Oooookay there!
Let's maybe raise our standards a little bit!
There we go!
I might not be the best
supervillain in the world just yet...
But when it comes to baseball... I can't be beat!
Hup!
Augh!
Haha, yeah! Take that, ya JERK!
Haha...
Why is he still standing?!
Alright... that's it...
No more Dr. Nice Guy!
You've forced me to use... My ultimate attack!
DREAM BIG!!!
HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Hah! Is that it!?
Your "ultimate attack" is passing out?
(snickering)
What a dork.
Let that be a lesson to you, Bear Trap!
Never mess with Giovanni Potage!
Because he is great.
Uh... Giovanni?
Please, please. Call me "Boss."
BOSS!!!
Yes?
What is it, my...
...faithful minion?
HUAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
BOTH: AAAAAAAHHH!
♪ Outro Theme plays
In the dead of midnight ♪
Someone's creeping down the hall ♪
See those yellow uniforms? We're the ones who got it all! ♪
We may trigger an alarm But we never come to harm ♪
Because before the cops can catch us we can call my mom! ♪
We're GREAT AT CRIME! ♪
FLAMETHROWER: Don't call us dumb!
Yeah we're GREAT AT CRIME ♪
BANZAI BLASTER: I stole some bubblegum!
The boys in blue are here for you ♪
There is nothing they can do! ♪
We scuffle, scram, skeddaddle, up a creek without a paddle ♪
No you cannot rattle us 'Cause we are GREAT AT CRIME ♪
Larceny, incarcerated, arson's kinda overrated ♪
There's no reason to debate it, GREAT AT CRIME ♪
GREAT AT CRIME! ♪